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4/24/2017 10:19:43 PM Joseph Soper Posts: 4	I originally wrote this several years ago, have made a few tweaks here and there but still not quite sure.... any help would be greatly appreciated. The ringing of phone awakes Out of slumber and causes shakes To the hand that finds it in dark And the ear where it finds it’s mark Eerie silence from other end And then at once it all begins… Terror screams across the line From victim of a heinous crime Begging, pleading emitting From the speaker without quitting The cries forever seem to last And hold the listener aghast Dark visions dance in back of mind Of rape and murder, nothing kind Of knives and guns and chilling thoughts And ugly acts that man has wrought Awareness hits and speak he tries But is not heard above the cries Of accosted caller who in fright Keeps on yelling with all her might Cries now fainter as if dragged away And now with earnest begins to pray The man whose voice could not be heard To unknown victim who has said no word Wanting to assist, but not knowing how A furrow of helplessness creases his brow Her name or place he did not know Only that he could hear the blows He cringed and winced at every sound But hoped that some clue could be found In the background of the chaotic hell That abuser would give up a tell To indicate where they might be But nothing came, except for pleas For life and mercy were the cries From weakened lips with crimson tides As quiet came he sat perplexed Thenstrange voice boomed and said “Your Next”!! In fear and panic he tried to shout Muted silence was all that fell out Then from his dream he awakened Drenched in sweat and terribly shaken To ringing phone in dead of night A silent caller, un-nerving fright…. edited by ZipperWoody on 4/24/2017 edited by ZipperWoody on 6/14/2017
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4/25/2017 6:27:42 PM Graphite Drug Posts: 81	Seems to be a narrative poem, a story, but you are using sentence fragments. Try writing without punctuation and concentrate less on meter and more on details.
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4/25/2017 9:18:21 PM Joseph Soper Posts: 4	You are probably right, I do tend to use punctuation in most of my stuff. Force of habit I guess.. Thanks for the constructive feedback, will take it into consideration
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