Book: Shattered Sighs

Get Your Premium Membership

Poetry Forum

home recent topics recent posts search faq

Forum Home » Be Gentle » Sounds

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
4/21/2017 12:25:43 PM

Doug Vinson
Posts: 102
So, Eric, the nighttime dreamworld is best? Cool While the poem does set up for the "crying in the sunlight" finale, I think it's a little too repetitive prior to that.
permalink • reply with quote
5/2/2017 4:35:49 PM

Dean Wood
Posts: 31
I like this poem. It rings true with me. The question mark at the end of the 3rd line confuses me though. I'm not sure that's where it should go but I can't seem to find a better spot. That depends on you I suppose. Nice job! Wiggle
permalink • reply with quote
5/9/2017 5:21:23 PM

Lenna Walker
Posts: 2
It mays sound smoother if you remove the 2nd and 3rd time you wrote the lines that read "Of laughter in the moonlight. Just a suggestion, tho not necessary.
permalink • reply with quote
5/17/2017 10:19:23 AM

Eric Diaz
Posts: 2
Sorry accidentally deleted the poem. Also realized It hadnt posted in the orignal format i had for it.

Thanks for the feedback.



Sailing on the clouds, dreaming of the sounds

Of laughter in the moonlight

Lovely voices, many choices, do you hear the sounds?

Of laughter in the moonlight

The children singing, the people cheering, life's full of the sounds...

Of laughter in the moonlight

The Sleepers awaken, the new day starts...the joyous sounds depart,

Do you hear the sounds...of crying in the sunlight?
edited by Leahi84 on 5/17/2017
edited by Leahi84 on 5/17/2017
edited by Leahi84 on 5/17/2017
permalink • reply with quote

Forum Home » Be Gentle » Sounds




Powered by AspNetForum 6.6.0.0 © 2006-2010 Jitbit Software