Poetry Forum
Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
4/21/2017 12:25:43 PM
Doug Vinson Posts: 102
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So, Eric, the nighttime dreamworld is best? While the poem does set up for the "crying in the sunlight" finale, I think it's a little too repetitive prior to that.
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5/2/2017 4:35:49 PM
Dean Wood Posts: 31
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I like this poem. It rings true with me. The question mark at the end of the 3rd line confuses me though. I'm not sure that's where it should go but I can't seem to find a better spot. That depends on you I suppose. Nice job!
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5/9/2017 5:21:23 PM
Lenna Walker Posts: 2
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It mays sound smoother if you remove the 2nd and 3rd time you wrote the lines that read "Of laughter in the moonlight. Just a suggestion, tho not necessary.
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5/17/2017 10:19:23 AM
Eric Diaz Posts: 2
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Sorry accidentally deleted the poem. Also realized It hadnt posted in the orignal format i had for it.
Thanks for the feedback.
Sailing on the clouds, dreaming of the sounds
Of laughter in the moonlight
Lovely voices, many choices, do you hear the sounds?
Of laughter in the moonlight
The children singing, the people cheering, life's full of the sounds...
Of laughter in the moonlight
The Sleepers awaken, the new day starts...the joyous sounds depart,
Do you hear the sounds...of crying in the sunlight? edited by Leahi84 on 5/17/2017 edited by Leahi84 on 5/17/2017 edited by Leahi84 on 5/17/2017
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