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4/13/2017 1:01:33 AM Sarah Meyer Posts: 4	"So that 'thing' was a poem by the way, not a real story," said the disappointed passerby with a roll of the eye to their friend. my throat buckled, too with disappointment. for what would you know of reality? clearly, you can see too clearly if there's no capacity within you capable of computing the unseen. the magic, the madness: the musts. but what would you know of stories? who are you to say how these are told? these are not equations, each part specific to solution. these are all the variables, tossed at their recipients, hitting them like bricks--hoping they got the message. and I've met the brick-layer; each day anew. I've been able to jar fairy dust, been swept up by paper wings, been motion sick from an orbit your physics promised I would never feel. I've cringed at the wrists and babbled at the lips, a monkey just trying to type. I've been through the musts. I've broken windows before. except my stories are poetic. my measures are for the figurative, not the figures. my branches lined with gilded thorns, not figs. so curse me aside. roll your blind eye to me and say that I'm not there. I'll still dance with the ether, in all the unseen.
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4/13/2017 1:05:33 AM Sarah Meyer Posts: 4	should probably say here: I'm not sure about the title entirely, so that's okay if it confuses you. or what have you. this is a first draft. currently okay with that, but curious to any takeaways or interpretations. thank you.
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4/15/2017 1:06:22 AM Doug Vinson Posts: 102	Like it a lot, Sarah. Nice phrases, pretty good story overall. The beginning is a bit confusing - there's the passerby and their friend, then the speaker is disappointed too. Then the speaker is addressing somebody. I was left wondering what, exactly, the deal was.
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4/16/2017 9:53:51 PM Sarah Meyer Posts: 4	thank you, Doug. to clear the confusion, the speaker decided to rant internally to the passersby. I wasn't sure how/if to address that, since the speaker is being general to a degree, and I felt it awkward to attempt. I may have been wrong in assuming it was obvious (or unimportant?) lol, sorry about that. I'll see what I can do to make it more clear.
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4/25/2017 6:51:29 PM Graphite Drug Posts: 81	An interesting piece, it seems technically lacking for the complex dialogue taking place. Usually stuff like this can be childish and angst ridden, but I like what's going on here. I would work with it and try to make it clearer. Try using capitals and not starting sentences with prepositions and articles.
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4/29/2017 7:53:57 PM Sarah Meyer Posts: 4	thanks for your comment, Drug. did you mean 'make it clearer' toward the same things Doug mentioned? or did you have different notions/lines in mind?
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5/2/2017 4:25:50 PM Graphite Drug Posts: 81	An interesting approach would be to lose the second person criticism in the second stanza and try linking it directly with the first stanza.
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