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4/1/2017 12:09:25 AM Sarah Oliver Posts: 2	I spend my days walking from room to room Each room is a different colour The red, the blue and the yellow The blue room is where I practice drowning The spirits there take turns choking me It’s where I spend most of my time The red room has walls filled with holes The windows are smashed out and I use blood to write on the walls No one can hear me scream in the red room The yellow room is where I look outside And imagine what the sunshine feels like In the yellow room I’m not sick Nothing matters in the yellow room Oh, my wife lives here too Her room smells like flowers The walls are soft grey and She has a special spot for me to lay my head She spends her days walking from room to room Painting the walls white for me Silencing the spirits Plucking me from the water I submerge my head in I gave her shackles and she wears them as jewelry They look beautiful on her, I think It’s a good thing I guess, since I can’t find the key But she doesn’t know that She spends her days walking from room to room The sound of her shackles lull me to sleep edited by SBRYSON on 4/1/2017 edited by SBRYSON on 4/1/2017
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4/4/2017 8:05:15 AM Robert McVay Posts: 4	I thought that it was good but could be improved.
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4/8/2017 5:28:16 PM Richard H. Dunsany Posts: 1	Hey there, just a couple things you can work on: I think it would help if you cut the white space in-between your lines, as it causes me to read slowly what would otherwise be a fast-paced horror poem. And also, taking some lines away (making this more compact) would strengthen your poem. For instance, try removing the 2nd line--it repeats what the 1st already established. Even just saying "red blue yellow" would suffice, and we would soon discover that the colors meant each room. I enjoyed the line "I gave her shackles and she wears them as jewelry" the most, btw, it works well because it comes as a surprise. The ending line is strong, as well.
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6/4/2017 1:42:28 AM quinoa Posts: 6	This is very original idea to use colored images in your poem.
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