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1/30/2017 9:28:36 AM Devin Michaels-Bishop Posts: 2	Title: A Poem for You Surprise, sexy guy! It’s out of the blue, But sit back, relax… Here’s a poem for you! Whenever we watch TV or go shopping, We have so much fun It seems like it’s over Before it has begun! You’re sexy and sweet. I think you’re first-rate. You’re such a great guy I’m glad you’re my mate. You’re king of my castle And I think it appears We’ll be together forever And lovin’ for years. Written by: Devin Michaels-Bishop Published on Amazon: My Inner Dreams edited by dtmichaels on 1/30/2017 edited by dtmichaels on 1/30/2017 edited by dtmichaels on 1/30/2017
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2/24/2017 6:40:45 PM Doug Vinson Posts: 102	Hi Devin. I think you're on the right track and doing fine. Writing poems just as they "come out of your mind" is fine - many times I find they appear wholly formed or pretty much all in place with little revising needed. Rather like "trust your first impressions," in a way. Sometimes poets feel an incredible need to get it down on paper, a computer, etc. - their can be a huge drive to create and not lose it! 'A Poem For You' is a quatrain (groups of 4 lines) with the 2nd and 4th lines rhyming. A very common and time-honored form (one I like a LOT). For "Quatrain," PoetrySoup says, "A stanza or poem consisting of four lines. In the basic form, Lines 2 and 4 must rhyme while having a similar number of syllables." Your rhymes are perfect, your poem reads pretty well. I think you should shorten the 5th line, though. It's so much longer than the others, and it breaks up the overall feel of the poem for the reader at that point. The next-to-last line has 8 syllables, and except for that one and the 5th line, every other one is either 5 or 6 syllables. So line #5, with 11, really stands out. I suggest something like, "When we go shopping // We have so much fun..." Or, "When we go out shopping // We're having so much fun..." Thus 5 // 5 syllables, or 6 // 6. I think the 6 // 6 sounds better. ("//" is how many people signify a line change when commenting on poems and posts, since the format for replies doesn't make it easy to make short lines.) Read it to yourself, and see what you think. Good luck! Doug edited by Doug Vinson on 2/24/2017
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