For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
12/21/2016 3:43:05 PM
keith osborne
Posts: 59
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These Threes
Let me sneeze
if you please
on some pleas
(from their knees)
"Stop the cheese"
Akin to fleas
rampant in leas
annoying as bees
or losing keys
they - a disease
Strive to seize
with their commentaries
and narcissistic decrees
aimed to appease
ego sized trees
May have degrees
but no boundaries
one really needs
couth for these
novices writing poetries
One should freeze
before spreading fallacies
full of hypocricies
spewing out idiocracies
wheezing only sleaze
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12/21/2016 10:59:28 PM
Doug Vinson
Posts: 102
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Keith, lots of views, so why no comments as of now? I think that in this poem you may be trying too hard, forcing things.
I've done it plenty myself, wanting to take things to the max, get in as many rhymes as I can, be clever, etc., and I never know when to stop.
You certainly do pull off the rhymes, but are the stanzas really fun for the reader?
edited by Doug Vinson on 12/21/2016
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12/22/2016 5:01:33 AM
keith osborne
Posts: 59
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This one is a personal message to someone. It was written with a certain ire behind it. That may be why it seems unpleasent to read.
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12/24/2016 8:58:23 AM
Doug Vinson
Posts: 102
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Okay - that's certainly fair enough.
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10/16/2019 7:41:19 AM
keith osborne
Posts: 59
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For B.A. and J. W.
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10/16/2019 1:08:06 PM
Jack Webster
Posts: 255
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@hempleaves13
Yours isn’t a name I see frequently in the critique section. I’m surprised you have so little to say in general to authors that might benefit from your feedback, but so much to say specifically to B.A. and J.W. One might suspect that if you weren’t so reticent to speak your thoughts freely you wouldn’t have such ire for those that do.
Perhaps if you critiqued more frequently, you’d feel more at ease knowing that your thoughts have been heard, and knowing that not everyone has to think or feel the same way about a poem and that at the end of the day it is the author that makes the final call.
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10/16/2019 3:57:02 PM
keith osborne
Posts: 59
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I was definitely free with my thoughts to them. What draws my ire is the fact that they still don't get that one does not need to devalue, demean, nor discourage another to offer "critical" critique. I do not give opinion on other's art because I lack the expertise and/or degree to do so properly. What these "gentlemen" seem to forget is your last statement. Hence the reason I have never edited a piece stictly to another's critique. One would gather some good from remembering that being pompous, pretentious and feeling "yours" is the only way will not garner anything but false respect(if any at all).
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10/16/2019 10:45:40 PM
Jack Webster
Posts: 255
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I don’t know; thinking one needs “expertise” to offer honest feedback about what one finds effective or lacking about a poem is pretty pompous. Moral perfectionism is always pretentious, if not innately hypocritical. Thinking you have nothing valuable to contribute because you are not an expert is either cowardice or false humility. You clearly have some strong ideas about poetry; if you’re refusing to share them with the world simply out of a desire to be morally superior than those that throw themselves on the blade in the hopes that something they say might be of benefit to others, that’s really unfortunate.
The respect that I often see given in the forum is predominantly gratitude someone (often times anyone...) invested time, thought, and consideration in responding to someone’s work. In regards to the feedback B.A. and J.W. Give, it’s often clear that they do not sugar coat things and treat what they’re reading with the same degree of consideration and expectation they give to even the best poetry they read. It’s clear they don’t lower their expectations simply because it is internet poetry, and their feedback makes clear they believe the authors they are addressing are capable of applying the feedback given.
There is nothing to respect about those that remain silent when you ask them for help, especially if they’re remaining silent so they can be better than others.
edited by superlativedeleted on 10/16/2019
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10/16/2019 11:49:57 PM
Jack Webster
Posts: 255
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When someone posts a piece for critique in a public forum, they are asking YOU for feedback.
If you don’t feel comfortable critiquing mechanics or craft, you can still say something about your personal experience of the poem. Even the bare minimum of “I liked it” or “I didn’t” like it is SOMETHING. You can say “a part that is really memorable for me is...” or “I was really confused by...”. You can reflect back what you think the poem is about “it sounds like the poem is about...”
If you want to be adventurous, you can ask things like “have you tried doing it this way...”
All of that is valid, even if someone else has already critiqued. Multiple critiques are really valuable because it gives a range of information. Maybe only one person was confused by something and maybe 6 people weren’t. If the only person that responds is the one that was confused and the six people that know exactly what was meant don’t respond, the author may end up concluding the piece needs to be changed when in fact the majority of people would understand it, and all because the 6 people that understood it were too shy or too proud to give their reaction to the poem.
Just because you dont feel comfortable asserting “poetry should be this...” or “poetry isn’t this...” doesn’t mean you don’t have valuable feedback to give.
It is not possible to improve one’s writing without honest feedback, nor without an audience willing to give up the safety of silence. Sweet or bitter, speaking is your gift. The author can do whatever they want with it, but they need something to work with.
edited by superlativedeleted on 10/16/2019
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10/17/2019 6:44:55 PM
keith osborne
Posts: 59
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Well that disintegrated quickly! At first I was perplexed as to why you, someone who knows NOTHING about me, would attack my humility, modestness, and moral character in such a fashion. Then it dawned on me - your initials are JW! There are a lot of people with JW as initials yet you actually believe that you are THE JW! Honey, that reminds me of that old Carly Simon song "You're So Vain". You remember the chorus don't you? Don't you, don't you! Sorry to burst your bubble sweetheart but you aren't THAT important. Have a great life pretending you are.
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10/17/2019 10:33:18 PM
Jack Webster
Posts: 255
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Don’t trip on your ermine cape on the way out lol
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