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12/14/2016 5:11:26 PM Adeniji Toluwalope Gideon Posts: 1	MASTERS OF ARCHITECTURE The air heavy with scent of August blossom A warm and still day indeed! Sitting by the lakeside Watching fishes dance in the water A twittering in the trees Then captivated my attention Above was a party of beautiful birds Singing in the orange tree I remembered a cool day in January When I stumbled in the realm of birdlife About their intricate domed nest. It was in a gorse bush about half a mile down the lake. Both the male and the female Brought building materials into the nest This was about four feet from the ground. They are amazing architects! Imagine the busy birds Piecing in lichen, Animal hair and cobwebs Leaves tightly clutched with beaks. The oval-shaped domed nest was ready. With door at the top Their elaborate building, The best thing your eyes could behold
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12/22/2016 4:54:28 PM Barry Stebbings Posts: 9	Hello Adeniji. This is a very nice descriptive piece. I think that if you want to improve this the thing to do would be to look at the number of syllables you are using in each line. A poem flows better if there are a similar number of syllables in each line. Use Poetry Soup syllable counter. In some stanzas two short lines could be written as a single line. It does not matter whether you use 8, 10, 12, 14 or 16 syllables, it is up to you. Also always read your work aloud to see how it sounds. This is a good piece and worth a bit of trimming.
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12/23/2016 7:50:23 AM Isabella law Posts: 1	I think it can make a very nice poem, but it needs a little editing. As commented earlier it needs to be changed to flow a bit better, and if you want, you might add a few more creative, descriptive words or synonyms of what you have now, to make it more interesting and fun to read.
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