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12/10/2016 1:24:43 PM Terry Robinson Posts: 49	Rise up, Scion of La Mancha. Destiny orbited all that you were and encompassed all that you possessed. Windmills stood ten-fold to the fore when you readied your lance and saddled your barn nag. Its whipped hide and ungulated hoofs cantering towards betrayal and unfinished vows. Your voice was virtuous in timbre against the manifest threat of cruel malfeasance that roamed the lands of bogus hills and rampant mountains charging towards the crest of your enlightened honour. Now, these burning candles about your casket hold the truth of your quests until, like you, they peter out and die. And then, recitations of your Quixotic trials shall be cleaved from history. Such is the eye of irony that wrests away your conquests. So, rise up Scion of La Mancha and challenge the lies. Ride abroad with purpose once more. Or lay where you rest and let time become a biased judge to your well laid intentions. edited by trobbo44 on 12/11/2016
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12/10/2016 11:27:07 PM Doug Vinson Posts: 102	Hi Terry. Not much criticism from me here. I like your poem a lot. "Elegie" should be "Elegy," no? "Rise up Scion of La Mancha." My opinion here is that it reads better with a comma after "up," both places in the poem where the line appears. About the candles and the knight: "they peter and die." I realize that "peter" as a verb does not strictly have to be used with "out," but in my opinion most people are used to seeing it as "peter out," and at least momentary confusion will result for many. "Recantations of your Quixotic trials" - should that be "recitations"? You are talking about them being removed from history, and "recantations" are already disavowals, i.e. denying or repudiating it. "Such is the eye of irony that rests away your conquests." "Rests" should be "wrests," no? So, just some minor spelling, punctuation and grammar stuff. I like the call for him to rise up - after all, the world needs heroes, eh? I see fond and wistful remembrance, an appreciation of the story and Quixote's intent. Cheers, Doug edited by Doug Vinson on 12/10/2016
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12/11/2016 4:01:03 AM Terry Robinson Posts: 49	Thanks DougDoug Vinson wrote: Hi Terry. Not much criticism from me here. I like your poem a lot. "Elegie" should be "Elegy," no? "Rise up Scion of La Mancha." My opinion here is that it reads better with a comma after "up," both places in the poem where the line appears. About the candles and the knight: "they peter and die." I realize that "peter" as a verb does not strictly have to be used with "out," but in my opinion most people are used to seeing it as "peter out," and at least momentary confusion will result for many. "Recantations of your Quixotic trials" - should that be "recitations"? You are talking about them being removed from history, and "recantations" are already disavowals, i.e. denying or repudiating it. "Such is the eye of irony that rests away your conquests." "Rests" should be "wrests," no? So, just some minor spelling, punctuation and grammar stuff. I like the call for him to rise up - after all, the world needs heroes, eh? I see fond and wistful remembrance, an appreciation of the story and Quixote's intent. Cheers, Doug edited by Doug Vinson on 12/10/2016
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