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12/9/2016 10:41:55 PM Ady Ferrer Posts: 1	I'm a relatively new writer and a new member of Poetry Soup, (loving it so far!). I usually write in free verse and a few haikus here and there. I want to experiment on other styles and forms of writing, so please let me know if I've made a mistake in any way and what you think in general. Thank you! Missing Piece A hundred puzzle pieces scattered on the floor. All is in place, except for one more. I didn’t realize one was missing. And it seems there’s no chance of it resurfacing. I’ve looked everywhere. I couldn’t find it anywhere. It’s hard to look for something unknown. All on my own. With only a picture of what could be. If only I could find the missing puzzle piece. edited by GracefulAngel on 12/9/2016
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12/11/2016 12:42:10 AM Doug Vinson Posts: 102	Hi Ady, I have a lot of comments. Maybe too many for "gentle" criticism, but I mean no offense. My opinion: put a comma in the first line, after "pieces." I think it reads better that way, especially since you have a comma in the second line. "A hundred puzzle pieces, scattered on the floor." 7/5 syllables. Has a nice rhythm to it. "All is in place, except for one more." 4/5 syllables. That can read pretty well, but I think it would be better with 5/5 or even more then 5 before the comma. Perhaps "All is now in place, except for one more." 5/5 Or, "I set them all in place, except for one more." 6/5 Or, "I positioned them in place, except for one more." 7/5 Can still be better yet. Say the first line, "a HUN-dred PUZZ-uhl PEE-sez," with the capital letters being the stressed syllables, and the lower-case letters being the unstressed syllables. That unstressed/STRESSED thing is an iamb, much used in poetry. Things sound good when the same rhythm is carried all the way through, so it's something to strive for. That last example has things backwards, as far as the stresses: "I puh-ZISH-und.." so now we have STRESSED/unstressed when ideally it would be reversed. Doesn't have to be - the main thing is that it sounds good - and it may take a lot of thought and work to get things "right." Also, saying in the second line that you positioned the pieces or placed them, set them, etc., clears up the action in the reader's mind. To go from them being "scattered on the floor," to instantly being all in place (but one) in the second line doesn't sound quite right. "I didn’t realize one was missing. And it seems there’s no chance of it resurfacing." If you want each couplet to rhyme, then this needs work. The lines need to be closer in total number of syllables, too, for best effect. So it is for the rest of the poem. Good luck, and enjoy yourself, Doug
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