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Forum Home » Be Gentle » communication ( im new how is this poem)

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1/20/2016 11:13:37 PM

Fullmoon Sway
Posts: 4
Communication....
What's that?

that wondrous

thing where

you move your mouth...

o communication...

don't do that a lot

too doubtful of the

perfect doll structures

in front of me

to undecided

about the fear

In words

hey oh hi

how are you

communication....

painstakingly

the unruly

words that kick

my cranium out

to orbit everyday

(what a mess it is if I do say)

communication

it's the enemy ...

the blackmailer..

that dissented

from ones personal

hell

OOOOOO

communication

communication

communication

where do I begin

u drive me through

pretense fear and vanity

every time I open my

air pipe just to let you out

communication

theres no where to begin

its just the vital part of

reality

speech and fear

my own set of communication

skills that

have just never

began

communication
edited by fullmoonsway on 1/20/2016
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1/20/2016 11:37:24 PM

Fullmoon Sway
Posts: 4
plz leave a comment and tell me how to improve it and if you think its a good poem
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5/15/2016 8:39:14 AM

jon best
Posts: 4
hey there,
I like your poem. I don't feel qualified enough to say too much about it as its a style that I'm not too familiar with, however I felt that the tense was a little bit off, near the end. I wonder if you perhaps meant:
'Have just never
BEGUN
Communication.'
As opposed to 'began'.
edited by jonbest on 5/15/2016

--
More poetry of mine at http://poems.jbestbooks.com
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