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Forum Home » High Critique » The Blacksmith's Crucible

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/30/2015 5:12:06 PM

Terry Robinson
Posts: 49
Dark I stand, cobalt cold and chipped ice
to the touch. Like a jetty on a winter's day,
mooring empty, friendless boats jostled
by vexed waves; bullying the weak.

But there was a time. I stood like Vesuvius,
naked to your cause. And hungered
for that momentary thrust of raw steel,
releasing spumante detonations that

reached a soot filled sky. I resonated with
the intensity of platinum-white heat, ready
to shape your dreams. Before returning it
forged by my love and pliable to your hammer

Buckets of water would quenched your prize and
sent screaming rivulets of steam off to find a
haven from the heat. Then, standing proud,
admired our work, as an artist to his canvas

But, days passed into years and years into an age.
And from the corner of my empire, I watched
the spring of your prime, turn to the clay filled
winter of your day. Like the dimming of a lustrous pearl

And now your apron, hangs on its nail,
gathering collections of a spiders yearly
endeavours. Whilst motionless and resolute,
I guard your kingdom and await your return.
Ready to recommence the heat of battle once more
edited by trobbo44 on 12/10/2015
edited by trobbo44 on 12/10/2015
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12/6/2015 5:02:26 PM

Terry Robinson
Posts: 49
Hi Diane. It is about a son filling his father's shoes, tinged with the sadness that their days together have gone forever with his father's passing. It's about the full circle we all get caught up in with family and strong love. Hope that helps. But, I often find a poems definition is up to the reader.
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12/6/2015 5:03:16 PM

Terry Robinson
Posts: 49
Apologies Dianne not diane
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12/7/2015 5:10:28 AM

Terry Robinson
Posts: 49
Dianne, you've been too kind to take so much time and use so much effort on your critique. Many thanks and much appreciation. Terry
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12/7/2015 5:15:54 AM

Terry Robinson
Posts: 49
The first stanza is now. Whereas the following stanzas represent the past tense. But, I can your where your issues lie and shall correct them. Once again, many thanks
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