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10/24/2015 3:16:57 PM

Danielle Fenske
Posts: 2

How can I improve on this? What kind of Poem would this be? Does it need more flow? Or more areas that rhyme? I do hope it is okay to work it out here, before posting to "my poems". Thank you in advance.
I've watched them struggle with their pain. Unable to help lift them out.
This is what I wrote:

Stagnate Pain

Emotional Pain.
Holding On;
Creating situations and patterns,
to-
Keep it close.

Afraid of the unknown;
Relinquish the pain and anguish?
Convinced.
Fearful;
Of what it's departure could mean;
being devoid of feeling altogether?

Unable to fathom;
The light,
The relief,
The sheer satisfaction-
shedding this pain can bring.

It has become your old friend.
A constant companion,
hidden in your heart- always in reach.
Unwilling to move on.
It lingers.

You've chosen;
the gruff,
heavy,
cumbersome blanket,
weighing you down.

Your feet are running,
yet, never touching the ground.
Stagnate pain.

© Danielle Fenske 10/24/2015 all rights reserved.
edited by mefenske on 10/24/2015

Stanza left out- Does it belong? where?:
You've tried to help them out of their pain.
Only to watch them choose it again.

edited by mefenske on 10/24/2015
edited by mefenske on 10/24/2015

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