Poetry Forum
Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
10/6/2015 9:43:41 PM
Jessica Baker Posts: 2
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Hello! This is a poem I just posted on my profile, but I would love some feedback! ~Jessica
Decisions
Happiness is not easy; It isn’t just a feeling of exuberance. It isn’t always a warm heart, filled with enthusiasm and excitement.
You can’t find it lying around; it’s hidden in the most subtle of places. One can only find it if they choose to look for it.
No vast want will work, Money, clothing, fame. It cannot replace the feeling you so desire.
You cannot expect it to be simple, but finding it is not complicated. It is all possible with a perseverant heart.
You can attain it, but only if you search for it. You must be able to look in even the darkest of places.
It may seem small and too little to seem real, but if you hold onto it, it will continue to grow.
No matter how dim it is always there for you. You must answer the question, “Do you want it?”
“Easy” is not the right word, but “worth it” is. Despite common misconceptions, happiness is a choice.
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11/30/2015 10:06:59 PM
Rainbow Promise Posts: 60
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Would like to have this poem gently critiqued. Can't understand where Iwent wrong with this poem, for no one has ever commented on it yet. What is unattractive about it , could you please tell me?
Please see post below: ACTUALIZATION OF THE SELF
There is a craving like lower beings, For the satisfaction of basic needs. Every creature upon the face of earth, Seeks food, shelter and safety first.
Who can survive without these three? Even foxes have holes to lay their heads. Seeking the basic needs and feeling safe, The self concentrates on belong somewhere.
How one looks does not matter, For there is no pride in 'pain'. How the environment looked was accepted, for It offered protection from rain and sun.
But when regular meals can be found, Good shelter and adequate rest, One turns an eye upon the “covering”, And even aim for higher things.
With the three needs now met, One becomes a “self” and dares to wonder; What can I do with myself? How can I improve me?
Suddenly, one wants to “belong” somewhere asking: "What do I have to offer me and to Society as well"? How could I fit in with many others? Help me search for the ME I long to be!
Copyright © 2015 Rainbow Promise
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12/21/2015 12:25:07 PM
Bob Atkinson Posts: 294
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Jessica, the words: it and is shouldn't be used in a poem but rarely, if at all.
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