Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
9/24/2015 12:35:38 PM
K.M North Posts: 97
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there ain't no gospel on the radio anymore
and we're all stuck inside during the heat
licking our wounds
and confessing sins that haven't happened yet
this is for you Cherry
come on doll face
lets dance the night away
cause I've got on my best dancing shoes
and you've still got those eyes
and that heart that's filled
with old flames that don't burn much anymore
you chipped a nail
smashing the button on the radio
I broke a bone in my finger
when you got real anxious
I'm probably going to hell
but I've still got faith
that I'll see some of my friends
and mother,
if you're listening
there ain't no gospel on the radio anymore
and I'm living with such sins
that I'm afraid I'll burst into flames
if the winter don't come soon enough
stuck in the closet
in the basement of that girl
who's parents got a divorce last year
we've got nothing left of our souls
but I'm pretty sure we can't just disappear
they're playing music outside
and the shag carpet is hard on the knees
the foreign hands never were all that good
at turning boys into men
but we tried our best
in a few years
we'll smoke cigarettes we rolled ourselves
and drive our parents cars past curfews
but for now there ain't no gospel on the radio anymore
and we don't write letters like we used to
but if I go to hell then darling
please help me go with a smile on my face
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9/25/2015 11:49:07 AM
Bob Atkinson Posts: 294
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North, capped all your words that shouldn't be in any poem. Bad form dude. Regards, Bob Reisenhoffer wrote:
there ain't no gospel on THE radio anymore
and we'RE all stuck inside during THE heat
licking our wounds
and confessing sins THAT haven't happened yet
this IS for you Cherry
come on doll face
LET'S dance the night away
cause I've got on my best dancing shoes
and you'VE still got those eyes
and THAT heart THAT'S filled
with old flames THAT don't burn much anymore
you chipped a nail
smashing THE button on THE radio
I broke a bone in my finger
when you got real anxious
I'M probably going to hell
but I'VE still got faith
THAT I'll see some of my friends
and mother,
if you'RE listening
there ain't no gospel on THE radio anymore
and I'M living with such sins
that I'M afraid I'll burst into flames
if THE winter don't come soon enough
stuck in THE closet
in THE basement of that girl
who'S parents got a divorce last year
we've got nothing left of our souls
but I'M pretty sure we can't just disappear
they'RE playing music outside
and THE shag carpet IS hard on THE knees
the foreign hands never WERE all THAT good
at turning boys into men
but we tried our best
in a few years
we'll smoke cigarettes we rolled ourselves
and drive our parents cars past curfews
but for now there ain't no gospel on THE radio anymore
and we don't write letters like we used to
but if I go to hell then darling
please help me go with a smile on my face
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10/6/2015 12:05:20 PM
K.M North Posts: 97
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"there aint no gospel on radio anymore:? are you fucking stupid? seriously, I don't comment on the trash that you post. Don't comment on anything I write, how about that? This should be for poets, not so called "teachers" and "critics" that don't know their ass from their elbow. I'm really quite sick of you offering exactly zero to this site and everyone on it. Keep your god awful ideas to yourself, keep your re-writings of famous {and actually good} poetry to yourself. I mean, my god, it's like you're trying to set yourself up for mockery. Haven't you seen that no one here agrees with anything that you have to say and that all you do is bring "poets" and "poetry" down by your half assed assumptions, ignorant ramblings and frankly **** poor writing. find a wall, smash your head into it, and repeat until the blackness comes, then welcome it
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