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For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
8/18/2015 2:22:15 AM
Anshita Bansal Posts: 1
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How do I start to reminisce you? From the gracious arch of your eyebrow When a smirk pasted itself Across your angular face? Or the slight dimple Across you right cheek When you smiled intently? Maybe I could write about Your luscious lips in a pout When you saw me hurt Or I could create a sketch of Your midnight black eyes Smoldering into a hazy onyx. How do I start to reminisce you? By the quirky remarks On the tip of your tongue At any given occasion? Or by the trail of kisses Which left burns on my skin That still haven’t healed? Perhaps I could think of The sound of your footsteps Receding unto silence Or the echo of my voice When I called out your name And no answer came How do I start to reminisce you? For you may have been the devil Blinded me by your soft words And left me alone in the dark But your intoxication won’t fade Even if you return with Another pair of angelic wings For an addict recognizes its drugs A rose by any other name Still smells sweet.
-- (a.m.)
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8/18/2015 9:20:16 AM
SUNIL MATHUR Posts: 8
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From the first and last stanzas it seems this is a poem in remembrance of some loved one now separated. But you refer to him or her, in one breath as a 'devil' ("For you may have been the devil"), and in the very next breath as an 'angel' ("angelic wings"). How precisely do you see this person--as a devil or as an angel? This is not clear. Now let us begin with the second stanza. Here you refer to the "gracious arch" of that person's eyebrow while he or she 'smirks'. But the word 'smirk' refers to an unpleasant smile arising out of a feeling of self-satisfied superiority. How can such an unpleasant smile lead to a 'gracious' curve of the eyebrow? In the third stanza, the words "smiled intently" appear confusing. One may look 'intently'. But 'smiling intently'. What is it supposed to mean? Fourth stanza: "Your luscious lips in a pout when you saw me hurt". The lips are said to be in a 'pout' when a person is annoyed or displeased. Not when he or she feels sorry at your being hurt. "But your intoxication won't fade even if you return with another pair of angelic wings". Whose intoxication? Presumably your 'intoxication' for him or her. In that case, why "your intoxication"?
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