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4/28/2015 11:19:31 AM Trenton Moore Posts: 8	Once, upstairs in a modest room Blushed a wall with different hue It represented hope, and as I slept I dreamt of newfound happiness. But slowly, echoes chipped the paint Of its honor and unique state Broken promises stripped the wall Of everything, which was nothing at all. Shattered dreams scraped the floor The explosions of anguish unhinging the door; Concrete cracking, the foundation shaking Mismatched colors were my concern no more My mother screamed for the palette paper To match my blood's fresh new coating My stepdad cheerily appreciated the gesture And finally congratulated my initiative for something Inevitably, the surface cringed to jags Before my forewarning could save them both They were too preoccupied To notice the large jaws of Earth. The rock pierced my stepdad's scrawny body, While I made haste to escape the quake I find it very, very unfortunate That the smug little bastard be buried before I could laugh. For my mother I was also too late; Terra trapped her in a state of shock My little sister could not flee in time And oak pierced her tiny lungs. I might as well still be there Dead from the inside and out I hope to be with soulless dirt And find peace, resting sound. Even now I hear them sob, Though that was much long ago The one who is crumbling now is I To be never left alone. edited by poetryjam1 on 4/28/2015
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5/4/2015 10:44:26 PM K.M North Posts: 97	Hey I read this like a week ago and forgot to actually say anything about it. I think I've read it 3-4 times now. Really good stuff. I'm definitely a fan that's for sure. My only real complaint/critique with it is the rhyming structure. I feel like you kind of pigeon hole yourself into it which takes away some of the flow and power of your poem. Besides that definitely really well written. You should post more man, I'm interested to read some others
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5/13/2015 11:51:40 AM Trenton Moore Posts: 8	Reisenhoffer wrote: Hey I read this like a week ago and forgot to actually say anything about it. I think I've read it 3-4 times now. Really good stuff. I'm definitely a fan that's for sure. My only real complaint/critique with it is the rhyming structure. I feel like you kind of pigeon hole yourself into it which takes away some of the flow and power of your poem. Besides that definitely really well written. You should post more man, I'm interested to read some others Thank you. I'll definitely take that into consideration. Be sure to check out my other stuff, and If you would like me to respond to some of your work, message me!
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