Poetry Forum

Forum Home » High Critique » Looking for constructive criticism!

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

4/11/2015 5:19:30 PM Wally Flint Posts: 9	48 Years 48 years in silence No one to hear my words I feel like a victim of violence Why can't my voice be heard? 48 years have imprisoned my soul 48 years have exacted a toll As I lay by my woman's side These 48 years she has cried 48 years I have toiled I've nothing but calloused hands My fingernails broken and soiled Attending our ruler's commands 48 years have imprisoned my soul 48 years have exacted a toll As I lay by my woman's side These 48 years she has cried 48 years I've been dying Tear by tear, breath by breath I've long since given up trying No escaping this silent death 48 years have imprisoned my soul 48 years have exacted a toll As I lay by my woman's side These 48 years she has cried These 48 years she has cried The rest of my poems are at: /me/wallyflint edited by wallyflint on 4/11/2015 edited by wallyflint on 4/11/2015
	• permalink • reply with quote
4/11/2015 7:56:47 PM K.M North Posts: 97	Hey, welcome to PS. This is a pretty solid effort. I haven't read anything else you've posted as of yet but this is sharing some pretty deep stuff. I look forward to reading more of your stuff. I might, if changes are to be made start out with "these 48 years she has cried" and then keep it at the end as well, because upon reading it, it seems to start out from your point of view and then delve into hers at the very end. But that's just my opinion. Good job-K
	• permalink • reply with quote
4/11/2015 8:09:18 PM Wally Flint Posts: 9	Thanks for the insight Kevin!
	• permalink • reply with quote
4/11/2015 9:03:59 PM K.M North Posts: 97	Very welcome, look forward to reading more of your stuff. Stop and and check out my work, always interested in what people have to say.-Kevin
	• permalink • reply with quote
4/11/2015 10:05:30 PM Wally Flint Posts: 9	kevin - post a link to your poems so i can find them.
	• permalink • reply with quote
4/11/2015 10:14:38 PM K.M North Posts: 97	Hey, sorry for not doing that. Well I just posted two on the high critique board but here are the others www.poetrysoup.com/me/Reisenhoffer
	• permalink • reply with quote