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Forum Home » Be Gentle » I welcome your feedback!

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/7/2015 1:46:54 PM

Sarah Muldoon
Posts: 2
I feel sane in a mad world
How I wish to be mad like the others
I want to hide under the covers
And pretend that I am free

My logic is chaotic here
Where fear is power and kindness is rare
I have no place in such a place
This is the torment I face

I feel myself becoming distant
I want no association with this tyrant
I want no ties to dead environments
I want to thrive to not feel guilt for being alive

Because I do
Its either there's not enough food
Or not enough room
but I have both
And so many don't

Our lives and our meanings
Have become assets of greed
we are no longer the gardeners
we are the weeds
edited by sarahm1994 on 1/7/2015
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1/22/2015 1:15:32 PM

Jaycee Cervenka
Posts: 5
Overall well written. Maybe try changing S2 Ln 3 to "no room in such a place" so the word is not repeated within the line.
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