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Forum Home » High Critique » Floating

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
12/28/2010 6:16:14 AM

Crystal Wilkins
Posts: 1
I sit in a coffee shop but I'm not there, not really

To the faces around me its just an empty chair, empty

The world is large but it's me alone, just me

One individual, always standing alone




I am closed off, the world is not there, not for me

voice talk to me, hold no meaning for me, none

My mind is my prison, my life just for me

I am a walking corpse, with no place in the sun, no none




Nobody can reach me, I am trapped under ice, alone

Family and friends are no longer here, they are gone, just gone

No life, no stress, no pressure, nothing

Through life, though I have none, I am floating

Floating....

just...

floating...

away.
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12/29/2010 11:04:00 AM

Eiken Laan
Posts: 10
Hi,
I liked this poem, very spiritual, dreamy, lofty thoughts with a depth of loneliness that you chose, the mind a prison, a walking corpse, closed off to the world. The whole idea of hibernation comes to mind where there would be no worries, no stress, no thoughts, just peace and sleep but under ice makes it less appealing, just my thoughts. A lovely write and read.
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