Poetry Forum
For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
5/10/2010 3:04:12 AM
Charlotte Aitken Posts: 10
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Forever lost in space and time, These stagnant seconds are divine. With steady hand and shaky mind, Pursuing something we’ll never find.
Drawn out hours that never cease, The mental crypt allows no release. Passing moments as best we can Devising yet another ill-thought plan.
Time stands still for those who wait, Unable to face their looming fate. Escaping restrictions of endless rules, And brushing shoulders with mindless fools.
Forever lost in space and time. Those static seconds were divine Forever wishing we could rewind Is the affliction of our kind.
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5/10/2010 3:05:36 AM
Charlotte Aitken Posts: 10
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I've been really battling with the last 2 lines of the verse, so any comments on this especially would be gratefully received.
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5/12/2010 9:15:50 AM
Patty Lane Posts: 5
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Well done, hon! Maybe the last stanza could read:
Forever lost in space and time those static seconds when we were divine to never recant, to never rewind is lost to all of human kind
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