Poetry Forum
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5/3/2014 12:01:47 AM
Robert Lindley Posts: 8
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Please critique this .....
Lost Love's Dream Shadow
Deep within a sunlit drop of refreshing rain I saw a glimpse of her beautiful face again Dreams flow past as swift mountain streams she haunts me lovingly in midnight dreams
Outside my window the great moon dares to sink more time, more time is all I can think She appears all the more real in her golden gown as the great moon glides slowly slipping down
I feel earth trembling deeply into night nothing feels better, nothing feels so right Her voice whispers from shadows all around smiles so deep that it echoes in loving sound
As dawn flees upward to meet the newborn day I hear her parting , caressing voice softly say Dreams can not stay , they must go on past our loves are forever and forever they will last......Tyr--04--03--2014 edited by Robert Lindley on 5/3/2014 edited by Robert Lindley on 5/3/2014
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5/3/2014 5:20:37 PM
Robert Lindley Posts: 8
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Changes made to the last three lines..
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5/19/2014 12:01:57 AM
Luann Pfost Posts: 15
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the first line starts in sunlight and then the rest stays in moonlit dreams until the last where sunlight /dawn chases her away. the first line is pretty but it seems wasted as a scene setter. could i suggest you use a starlit drop of rain or a starlit tear
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