Poetry Forum

Forum Home » High Critique » Some lotus

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

1/31/2014 10:09:12 AM cheung shun sang Posts: 24	Somelotus... Lotus dreams have lotusseeds. Who is ARHAT got to see. Flying wheels will flingand fly. Hollow couch and we aretie. Face to sit and up withtowns. Tongue so quick andlove may own. SMOOTHIE faces arediving up. Tattoo snakes are nearher cup. Trinity groups arevery stars. Directed ways areloving arts. Sexes are hard butpills are soft. Happy ending someare door. Eden doors are sexything. Some are wet as rainsin spring. Breeze and rainswill like our loves. Drop in alwaysthere are parks. Trembled car havepillow fight. Vibrate hub isloving right. Loving places arehubbub songs. whistle songs arelove that strong. Benz car has lovingbeds. Loves are quick orlove are wet. Pillow souls areloving souls. Love will groan forAgo-go.
	• permalink • reply with quote
1/31/2014 2:00:07 PM Sophia Valentina Posts: 2	Are the run on words intended or hasty typos? There is a senselessness to the poem that I am not sure is intentional or not...is English your second language? I see the sensual side of your poem, but fear the punch is lost in translation...
	• permalink • reply with quote
2/12/2014 12:00:35 PM julie heckman Posts: 17	I tried reading your poem but the run-on sentences gave me little to understand. I admire your creative intent, but try something other than run-on words and sentences. Good luck.
	• permalink • reply with quote