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10/21/2010 7:56:16 PM Joseph Crawford Posts: 1	Sunlight opened up my eyes to see through this false disguise “A ruse is no excuse for the abuse of the truth,” He yells, She cries. Always lies, to dedicated to be complicated Always aggravated never titillated Who could ever understand? Take a glance into the past And see the lives you’ve changed See the lives you’ve rearranged and played like its some game. A simple word or two won’t hurt Don’t bother play it safe Because in the end the one who wins will tell us who to blame. But it isn’t you now is it? So full of your deceit You get away scotch free Still spreading lies and disbelief. An evil smirk, a stifled laugh The truth is elusive; you cannot find its path But the moments I have known it, console is not mine, for in the unforgiving truth, pain is all you’ll find.
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10/21/2010 11:53:56 PM tara jennings Posts: 12	I love your play on words, comparison and contrast in the second line, and over all feelings that leak from each line. fifth line, third word is it meant to be "to" or "too" ? There are parts where you use grammar and punctuation to break it up and emphasize and then parts where there is no punctuation. Read out loud what you wrote and arrange the grammar and puctuation so others will read it with the pace, emphasis, and pauses that you want. Think of spoken word. The beat of it, the pauses, how it appears on paper, the play on words and speed of it all help the reader pick up the emotion you want to convey. Rigid structure isn't needed, some times not at all, but for a lengthy poem a little helps break it up so in the process of reading it on paper they "hear" the authors voice. I love your wording, it connotes a pain and cynisim (spelling?) of the speaker and disdain for the antagonist liar. Just as you choose words that tie together those emotions and hint at them so can more appropriatly placed punctuation. edited by tara jennings on 10/21/2010
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