You have an ad blocker! We understand, but...

PoetrySoup is a small privately owned website. Our means of support comes from advertising revenue. We want to keep PoetrySoup alive, make it better, and keep it free. Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on PoetrySoup. See how to enable ads while keeping your ad blocker active. Also, did you know you can become a PoetrySoup Lifetime Premium Member and block ads forever...while getting many more great features. Take a look! Thank you!

Poetry Forum

home recent topics recent posts search faq

Forum Home » High Critique » lets give this a go

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
9/28/2010 9:35:31 PM

Alias Pretender
Posts: 1
Kizz the Badge

former skunk king on beat uptown

sex surviellance up the strip

scout out on varieties

fiery redhead, always got a light

flick a flame in his direction

you know the colour coded eye

say green for go go

grassy blonde was

a red light worth running

massey told me so

Rev in the department

declares rats in the ranks

like the brats in the projects

have got no one to thank

sinners are grinners

lovers never win

cowards die many times

liars live intermittently

future skunk king

regulate body temp in the hood

and housewives with their houselives

are making lusty confessions

one sided mirror

repeats the room in on itself

to a climax in a ceiling fan

the room was spinning but the fan stood still

skunk king was a rat

hid his lesser stench

go see his favourite matchstick girl

with his favourite thirst to quench

she'd eat the cash right off the bone

god knows she'd picked hers clean

she'd kiss the badge clipped to his waist

and go with the routine
permalink • reply with quote
10/3/2010 6:25:37 AM

I'm not going to critique this, I just ran across it and really like it. This is like a snippet of life, like and old detective novel. Reads fast, clipped sentences I like, the pause between stanzas is great.
permalink • reply with quote
10/16/2010 12:05:05 AM

tara jennings
Posts: 12
do I have this right, skunk king is a dirty cop, The way you through "badge"in last makes the lines tie together and read organized. I really like the rythmn and style of your write and agree with the comment above mine.
permalink • reply with quote

Forum Home » High Critique » lets give this a go

Powered by AspNetForum © 2006-2010 Jitbit Software