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Forum Home » Be Gentle » I dont want to think about that

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
7/15/2013 1:18:24 PM

Benjamin Larson
Posts: 4
So what if i smoke, i mean, who does it hurt?

Why do you care what plant i choose to grow from the dirt.

I just want to laugh again,

I i just want to smile again for something other then a family photo.

This is my crutch, this is how i cope..

This is how i tell my self that there is still hope,

My obi-wan-kanobi, the only one who knows me.

I don't know if your my savior but do believe your close,

you keep me laughing, you keep me off a rope.

mother why can't you see that this is so much more then dope.

It leaves a sour taste now because I know you don't approve,

there is so much worse things that i could use and abuse,

Don't you remember my friend Dillon? Don't you remember the news?

I knew he was getting into bad *****but i just ignored the clues..

f*ck, i don't want to think about that....

F*CK! I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT!

Maybe if i smoke this it will somehow bring him back..
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8/19/2013 7:56:28 PM

Just That Archaic Poet
Posts: 89
As a fellow and former smoker, I completely identified with your subject matter and the point you are conveying. And, Lord, as a Star Wars fanatic/geek, I adored your Obi-Wan reference. You definitely get extra points from me just for that lol. But, as a whole, your piece needs some polishing up here and there. Try playing around with your wording structure. I liked this piece though, very much so
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Forum Home » Be Gentle » I dont want to think about that




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