Poetry Forum
Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
2/3/2013 4:56:05 AM
Juliet McDonald Posts: 2
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Hey everyone, I'm 16 and this is my first poem that i've ever posted. I would like to know your thoughts, and thank you for your time!
Blue
The night is dark and silent
The thoughts come rolling in
And hour after hour
I wonder where you've been
If you ever think of me
In this deep dark night?
As when the moon above us shines
It's possible that you might
At one point we were one
So long ago it seems a crime
But our bond is of a love
One that will outlast time
If I ever saw you again
I'd ask how you've been keeping?
All I'd need is just one look
Our time all too fleeting
To say that I don't miss you
Would be an outright lie
Without you I am lost
I'm barely getting by
I wonder where you are
When we're so far apart
You're already gone
But never from my heart
I can't ever let it out
Or the sadness will grow
So until we meet again
It's best you don't know
So it's at night in the darkness
Where I think of you
And the night isn't black
But a dark shade of blue
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2/3/2013 9:15:03 AM
Gwen Benita Mason Gibbs Posts: 6
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onedaypigswillfly wrote:
Hey everyone, I'm 16 and this is my first poem that i've ever posted. I would like to know your thoughts, and thank you for your time!
Blue
The night is dark and silent
The thoughts come rolling in
And hour after hour
I wonder where you've been
If you ever think of me
In this deep dark night?
As when the moon above us shines
It's possible that you might
At one point we were one
So long ago it seems a crime
But our bond is of a love
One that will outlast time
If I ever saw you again
I'd ask how you've been keeping?
All I'd need is just one look
Our time all too fleeting
To say that I don't miss you
Would be an outright lie
Without you I am lost
I'm barely getting by
I wonder where you are
When we're so far apart
You're already gone
But never from my heart
I can't ever let it out
Or the sadness will grow
So until we meet again
It's best you don't know
So it's at night in the darkness
Where I think of you
And the night isn't black
But a dark shade of blue
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2/3/2013 9:17:15 AM
Gwen Benita Mason Gibbs Posts: 6
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Love your poem, very mature writing for a 16 year old. Good work
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2/5/2013 2:04:30 AM
Regina Vasquez Posts: 3
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Malika10 wrote:
onedaypigswillfly wrote: Hey everyone, I'm 16 and this is my first poem that i've ever posted. I would like to know your thoughts, and thank you for your time!
Blue
The night is dark and silent
The thoughts come rolling in
And hour after hour
I wonder where you've been
If you ever think of me
In this deep dark night?
As when the moon above us shines
It's possible that you might
At one point we were one
So long ago it seems a crime
But our bond is of a love
One that will outlast time
If I ever saw you again
I'd ask how you've been keeping?
All I'd need is just one look
Our time all too fleeting
To say that I don't miss you
Would be an outright lie
Without you I am lost
I'm barely getting by
I wonder where you are
When we're so far apart
You're already gone
But never from my heart
I can't ever let it out
Or the sadness will grow
So until we meet again
It's best you don't know
So it's at night in the darkness
Where I think of you
And the night isn't black
But a dark shade of blue
|
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• reply with quote
|
2/5/2013 2:06:00 AM
Regina Vasquez Posts: 3
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very good
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3/10/2013 9:55:29 AM
Kyle Maples Posts: 4
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Great poem! I know what you mean about those dark, blue nights. They can be powerful moments.
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