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Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
2/3/2013 4:56:05 AM

Juliet McDonald
Posts: 2
Hey everyone, I'm 16 and this is my first poem that i've ever posted. I would like to know your thoughts, and thank you for your time!




Blue




The night is dark and silent

The thoughts come rolling in

And hour after hour

I wonder where you've been




If you ever think of me

In this deep dark night?

As when the moon above us shines

It's possible that you might




At one point we were one

So long ago it seems a crime

But our bond is of a love

One that will outlast time




If I ever saw you again

I'd ask how you've been keeping?

All I'd need is just one look

Our time all too fleeting




To say that I don't miss you

Would be an outright lie

Without you I am lost

I'm barely getting by




I wonder where you are

When we're so far apart

You're already gone

But never from my heart




I can't ever let it out

Or the sadness will grow

So until we meet again

It's best you don't know




So it's at night in the darkness

Where I think of you

And the night isn't black

But a dark shade of blue
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2/3/2013 9:15:03 AM

Gwen Benita Mason Gibbs
Posts: 6
onedaypigswillfly wrote:
Hey everyone, I'm 16 and this is my first poem that i've ever posted. I would like to know your thoughts, and thank you for your time!




Blue




The night is dark and silent

The thoughts come rolling in

And hour after hour

I wonder where you've been




If you ever think of me

In this deep dark night?

As when the moon above us shines

It's possible that you might




At one point we were one

So long ago it seems a crime

But our bond is of a love

One that will outlast time




If I ever saw you again

I'd ask how you've been keeping?

All I'd need is just one look

Our time all too fleeting




To say that I don't miss you

Would be an outright lie

Without you I am lost

I'm barely getting by




I wonder where you are

When we're so far apart

You're already gone

But never from my heart




I can't ever let it out

Or the sadness will grow

So until we meet again

It's best you don't know




So it's at night in the darkness

Where I think of you

And the night isn't black

But a dark shade of blue
permalink • reply with quote
2/3/2013 9:17:15 AM

Gwen Benita Mason Gibbs
Posts: 6
Love your poem, very mature writing for a 16 year old. Good work
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2/5/2013 2:04:30 AM

Regina Vasquez
Posts: 3
Malika10 wrote:
onedaypigswillfly wrote:
Hey everyone, I'm 16 and this is my first poem that i've ever posted. I would like to know your thoughts, and thank you for your time!




Blue




The night is dark and silent

The thoughts come rolling in

And hour after hour

I wonder where you've been




If you ever think of me

In this deep dark night?

As when the moon above us shines

It's possible that you might




At one point we were one

So long ago it seems a crime

But our bond is of a love

One that will outlast time




If I ever saw you again

I'd ask how you've been keeping?

All I'd need is just one look

Our time all too fleeting




To say that I don't miss you

Would be an outright lie

Without you I am lost

I'm barely getting by




I wonder where you are

When we're so far apart

You're already gone

But never from my heart




I can't ever let it out

Or the sadness will grow

So until we meet again

It's best you don't know




So it's at night in the darkness

Where I think of you

And the night isn't black

But a dark shade of blue
permalink • reply with quote
2/5/2013 2:06:00 AM

Regina Vasquez
Posts: 3
very good
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3/10/2013 9:55:29 AM

Kyle Maples
Posts: 4
Great poem! I know what you mean about those dark, blue nights. They can be powerful moments.
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