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Forum Home » Be Gentle » The Chase

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/1/2012 1:47:21 AM

This is my first attempt at writing a poem so please "be gentle"

I've been chasing;

Dreams, Passions, impulses

flowing through phases of life

continuing to run, but for what purpose

What did i expect to gain from this game

Why was i only told to run with no direction

I didn't know, for i was only taught to run

I ran, my dreams turned cold

I ran, my goals grew old

I ran, passions expired

I stopped, my legs grew tired.
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1/1/2013 10:56:11 AM

Evan Thomas
Posts: 5
Very good! It was very well written. I especially liked the last four lines; they really conveyed that sense of running with the repetition of "I ran," while still showing the tiredness creeping in. And the last line really wrapped it up, and made me feel tired from running (in a good way of course). well done!
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