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9/17/2012 12:34:49 PM
In the valley of times surrender
In the valley of times surrender,
And in the fields of tears that flow
Just remember one thing my darling,
What lies ahead you'll never know
By the trees of life that give,
And this lonely stream that wanders
Upon these hills of innocence,
I have seen a land of wonder
I looked for love in forests of rust,
And on plains of cherished fears
In the whirlwinds of self confidence,
This shallow empty weir
Along the banks of timeless worry,
I have felt the earth erode
Felt the gradient of years gone by,
On this barren worn out road
Amid desolate deserts I roamed unknown,
And in sun drenched cites high
Memories plough it feels no pity,
Has haunted my own mind
I have combed this savage wasteland,
Sheltered on freedoms shores
Looked at crisp bright skies with love,
Through granite tainted eyes.
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9/18/2012 9:14:04 PM
You started amazingly well, but I think you should have finished on the fifth strophe. The last sentence of the poem lives it unfinished, so I think. Please correct me if I am wrong...
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