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Forum Home » High Critique » The King's Dreams

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
9/4/2012 5:55:49 AM

Vijay Daniel M
Posts: 2
I wish I had another day-
To say all I need to say,
To do the good I meant,
Undo the wasted days I spent.

No legacy left behind,
No path for my people defined.
I strayed from my desired path
Into the way of unrighteous wrath.

I promised they'd never weep.
But as I sleep my troubled sleep,
My lies resonate in their screams.
My joy lies in my dreams.

As the dawn quietly unfurled,
I dreamed. I dreamed of changing the world,
Of silencing eternal screams.
My joy lies in my dreams.
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9/16/2012 4:35:06 AM

Amy Green
Posts: 8
This has hope. Work on your meter some and use more colorful vocab.
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