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Marissa Faries
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Marissa Faries is a neurodivergent millennial poetess. Written over a 1000 poems since she was a preteen. For the past several years her main poetic forms are crystalline, haiku/senryu, tanka, sijo, and couplets. Her neurodivergent conditions are autism, attention deficit disorder (ADD), and quiet borderline personality disorder. She is also a First Nations status Cree Canadian.

She writes poetry on many subjects to do with her personal life and inner world of thoughts and feelings. Themes included are romance, heartbreak, loneliness, depression, metaphorical or vague erotica, spirituality, and philosophical matters. She aspires to become a renowned published poetess, but finds the process to be difficult, as it is for all aspiring writers. Her personal interests are anime, astrology, video games, and art.

Marissa's spiritual belief system is all-inclusive of world religions as she found connections in all of them. She practices advanced astrology since her adolescence. Her spiritual practices are numerology, i-Ching, Tarot, oracle cards, lexigramming, meditation, binaural beats, dice fortune-telling and cartomancy. She also has the ability to dream of the future, sometimes. She believes in a Father God and a Mother Goddess. In her indigenous culture, her people believe in a Creator and practice ceremonies such as sweat lodges, night lodges, shaking tents, and praying with natural tobacco smoking.

Marissa has also had a lifelong medical history of epilepsy since infancy and her diabetes was diagnosed in her early 20's. She manages these conditions well with the proper medications. Despite all of the seizures she had through the course of her life, she still retains more than enough of her intelligence to continue writing and philosophizing. She has also lived 29 years of her life with her autism undiagnosed, having masked it as well as any autistic young women do themselves. Her goals are to lose enough weight to better manage her diabetes and to continue multivitamin and electrolyte supplementations for optimal health in the long-term.

So far in her life, she lost her paternal grandfather to pancreatic cancer in September 2021 and lost her 17-year old cousin to the drug fentanyl in May 2022. These two deaths have been a source of immense grief, but also brought on enough inspiration to write poetry to process her feelings. One of her greatest wishes is for her remaining three grandparents and her own parents to stay alive for many years to come. She also prays for the protection of her aunts, uncles, many cousins, her two siblings, and friends.

So far she is living a good life, regardless of her mental health and what may never come to be. Marissa is grateful to have the audience of PoetrySoup, as well as grateful for all of her personal connections that persist in her life.

Grief Is So, So, So Mind Numbing

Blog Posted by Marissa Faries: 8/10/2022 12:02:00 AM

Another tragic loss happened this year. On May 4th, 2022, we pulled the life support plug on my underage cousin. She left behind many loved ones who were so dear to her. None of us are sure if she intentionally died, as she was having a depressive episode beforehand. But the real tragedy is it was because of a drug called fentanyl.

Myself and her mother do not blame anyone, as it was simply a bad decision she made herself. My heart is torn apart. My mind is so numb that physical pain pales in comparison to my grief and loss. I was not as close to my cousin as I should have been. But that is just because over time we drifted apart, especially due to long distance with living in different places. I honestly feel like I have no right to miss her. I sometimes wonder if she ever secretly resented me. But now her spirit is free, and in the afterlife she knows and understands everything again, I am sure.

She was a beautiful girl with a kind heart. Life gave her a lot of challenges, but she was both a fighter and a lover. I loved her because she was one of my many younger cousins. I knew her as a toddler. She was my baby (non-binary gender) sibling's friend in their toddler years. I feel so much empathy and sympathy for my auntie who misses her so deeply. My aunt doesn't deserve to feel the pain that comes with losing a child. But life and death can be unfair that way for just about anybody. It's just does not sit right to me that she died prematurely, and of drugs too.

Please, save yourselves the grief, and help any of the addicts you personally know. Do not judge them, do not blame them. Addicts suffer, addicts are human too. Show them you love them and are genuinely concerned. Nowadays, all I think is, "Do I have the right to grieve her?" It is astonishing how much this grief is affecting me, because of how distant I was all these years. But this is what grief truly is. It does not discriminate. She was an indigenous teenage girl. Every Child Matters. Not just those who died in residential schools, but also those who become addicts and victims in these times. Thank you for reading, especially if you also read my blog post on my grief about my paternal grandfather.

Rest in power, rest in paradise, rest in peace, K.K.T.

"Now my mind is outta place, yeah, uh. 'Cause I lost my faith and I feel everything. I feel everything from my body to my soul. No, no. Well, I feel everything. When I'm coming down is the most I feel alone. No, no. I've been sober for a year, now it's time for me to go back to my old ways, don't you cry for me. Thought I'd be a better man, but I lied to me and to you.

I take half a Xan' and I still stay awake. All my demons wanna pull me to my grave. I choose Vegas if they offer heaven's gate. I tried to love, but you know I'd never stay, I'd never stay. But if I OD, I want you to OD right beside me. I want you to follow right behind me. I want you to hold me while I'm smiling, while I'm dying. (...) I lost my faith. I'm losing my religion every day. Time hasn't been kind to me, I pray. When I look inside the mirror and see someone I love." -Faith, by The Weeknd

 



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Date: 8/12/2022 4:06:00 PM
So sorry for your loss, blessings ~Constance
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Date: 8/12/2022 3:48:00 AM
Marissa, so sorry for your loss, may your wonderful memories help you during this difficult time. Condolences to you and your family.
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Date: 8/10/2022 8:05:00 PM
Sorry for your loss.
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Date: 8/10/2022 5:14:00 AM
Thanks for sharing this devastating news, Marissa. I know it's not easy. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. *Hugs* RIP, K.K.T
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Previous Blogs

 
En-Light-enment
Date Posted: 1/5/2025 5:42:00 AM
The last 27 poems, from my writing era of 2006-2018
Date Posted: 8/24/2022 6:19:00 AM
Grief Is So, So, So Mind Numbing
Date Posted: 8/10/2022 12:02:00 AM
Never Knew What Grief Truly Was, Until...
Date Posted: 8/9/2022 11:38:00 PM
So, Here's What Happened
Date Posted: 10/15/2021 6:42:00 AM

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Book: Reflection on the Important Things