The Scars I Bear
If a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
Then certainly...If by any chance it is
The scars I bear did not just come by midnight
They did not come at me at night like a bad dream
Nor swept me off my feet like love
See, they began with friendly good morning texts
Afternoon phone calls and 3 am roof top talks
They came by silly talks
Sarcastic laughs and stupidly saying sorry
Oh my dear heart
Pretending not to have a heart is not really a solution
Neither does accepting to have one is
God is nigh to the broken hearted
Don't read much into it
It has began with the words that were exchanged in the heat of the moment
Words not meant yet said
Words that were said jokingly
The weird and upset faces
The awkward silences
And the plain I just do not care
Perhaps I just wanted the Lord to draw nigh to me
Anyway, who does not?
But reason.
God did not specify the kind of brokenness
He sought after
Oh! Maybe my scars were not deep enough
My pain not severe enough
My tears not salty enough
My eyes not swollen enough
Maybe...just maybe I was not enough!
Do not be ridiculous!
Was the whisper of the sweet, calming voice
'You'll always be enough to God'
Roughly yet teary I had to ask
' Why has He not drew nearer to me?
Why does He continue seeking more brokenness from me?'
See, as I broke daily
A part of me died
Hope, strength, passion, love
Warmth, smile, courage, kindness
Willingness, braveness, carefreeness
And Finally, reason to contiue Died!
I have searched for it in the Proverbs of the wisest Solomon
Could not find it in the melody of lyre played by David
There was no sign of it in the manger
Or in the water that was turned into wine
Nor in the ressurection of Lazarus
I looked for it
I searched for it
I needed reason to hold on
It was not found
See even when I walked on water
Reason was still not there
Not in Noah's ark
Not in the tree Zaccheaus got on top of
Not in the upper room
Geographic?
It was not in the wilderness with John
Nor with the Israelites by the Red Sea
Unlike Elisha who found Elljah's cloak
I could not find it after Jordaan
Beauty in is brokenness
So I continued to break
I broke with the day as it turned into night
Broke with the skies as the stars came in
Broke with the wolves when the fires started raging
Broke with the moon when the sun came in
I just continued to break...
Copyright © Farisha Lashiyendra | Year Posted 2018
|