The Scars I Bear

If a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step Then certainly...If by any chance it is The scars I bear did not just come by midnight They did not come at me at night like a bad dream Nor swept me off my feet like love See, they began with friendly good morning texts Afternoon phone calls and 3 am roof top talks They came by silly talks Sarcastic laughs and stupidly saying sorry Oh my dear heart Pretending not to have a heart is not really a solution Neither does accepting to have one is God is nigh to the broken hearted Don't read much into it It has began with the words that were exchanged in the heat of the moment Words not meant yet said Words that were said jokingly The weird and upset faces The awkward silences And the plain I just do not care Perhaps I just wanted the Lord to draw nigh to me Anyway, who does not? But reason. God did not specify the kind of brokenness He sought after Oh! Maybe my scars were not deep enough My pain not severe enough My tears not salty enough My eyes not swollen enough Maybe...just maybe I was not enough! Do not be ridiculous! Was the whisper of the sweet, calming voice 'You'll always be enough to God' Roughly yet teary I had to ask ' Why has He not drew nearer to me? Why does He continue seeking more brokenness from me?' See, as I broke daily A part of me died Hope, strength, passion, love Warmth, smile, courage, kindness Willingness, braveness, carefreeness And Finally, reason to contiue Died! I have searched for it in the Proverbs of the wisest Solomon Could not find it in the melody of lyre played by David There was no sign of it in the manger Or in the water that was turned into wine Nor in the ressurection of Lazarus I looked for it I searched for it I needed reason to hold on It was not found See even when I walked on water Reason was still not there Not in Noah's ark Not in the tree Zaccheaus got on top of Not in the upper room Geographic? It was not in the wilderness with John Nor with the Israelites by the Red Sea Unlike Elisha who found Elljah's cloak I could not find it after Jordaan Beauty in is brokenness So I continued to break I broke with the day as it turned into night Broke with the skies as the stars came in Broke with the wolves when the fires started raging Broke with the moon when the sun came in I just continued to break...