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Inner Feelings

I may have a hard heart;
However, it is a fragile heart.
Easily punctured
Easily cracked.
It’ll easily splinter,
Shatter into tiny pieces
Like broken glass
Falling at my feet.
It’s hard to repair.
Unlike my mind
It has nothing to spare.
No emotions available.
Empty beyond words.
No love accessible.

The more pain inflicted upon my heart
The closer it comes
To falling apart.
I’m already on the edge
Hanging
Over the abyss of dread.
Every day,
I wait for the thread to pop.
In every way,
I imagine myself falling
Through the darkness of the dreadful abyss.
Can’t my heart and mind come together
In harmonious bliss?
I dream.
But as I do
My heart mentally screams.
It is lonely.
My internal eyes refuse to see
And I refuse to believe it.
In my world, I don’t need anyone
I am already alone
Sitting in darkness wishing for sun.
I want its rays to reveal my life’s path.
I lone for someone to guide me down it.
Make me smile, laugh.
I want to be embraced.
But I don’t want to search for the arms that will hold me.
For I fear they will drop me and crack my mentally emotional face.
My life is full of fear.
Even if I don’t want to acknowledge it.
And my eyes want to release, at least, a single tear.
I won’t allow it
To fall.

Copyright © Ebony Smith | Year Posted 2006

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Date: 11/2/2011 11:01:00 AM

Such sadness and lack of hope expressed. I am also hearing of wanting intimacy but running away from it when it arrives. Taking how you see yourself and projecting these feelings on to other people. Writes like this one helps purge demons.

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Book: Shattered Sighs