every strand
i wish i asked more.
i wish i asked what toothpaste you used that i could taste on your lips.
i wish i asked how you took your tea.
i should’ve asked what cologne you used
i should’ve asked if your eyes were more vibrant when you were a baby
i should’ve asked if you ever played in the mud as a child;
but i knew your favorite color and how your hair looked platinum in the sun.
i knew your footsteps by heart- like it was engraved in my soul.
i’ll pick the blonde hairs out of my brush and pretend that keeps you alive in my memory.
i’ll bring you the white roses you gave me on our first date to your grave and act like that fills the void that’s missing now that you’re gone.
i’ll pertend i don’t notice how much colder the air is in our room now that you’re gone.
i’ll pretend not hearing the floor creak under you as you come home doesn’t bother me.
i’ll pretend i don’t notice your dads glances towards me at your funeral like the thought of him being concerned will make me whole again.
i should’ve known more about you, i should’ve had every fact about you- even the ones you didn’t know yourself burned into memory.
but i knew enough for it to hurt, in my heart and mind and every nerve in my body.
but for now i’ll see you everywhere, every dent in the floorboard- every shadow in our room.
maybe i’ll get better soon, but who am i supposed to talk to?
Copyright © alice faith | Year Posted 2025
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