Unreachable
I want to become something real
to be greater than this house and smaller than my tears.
To feel helpless
And find fulfillment in a version of myself less ephemeral.
Less imaginary
Less reasonable.
I want to watch myself erase the days old to-do list on my mirror and
Feel something raw and unrefined in my reflection
So that it consumes me and
I have no explanation for it and
Desire no cure or course of action
I want to want something real.
And then,
Be greedy enough to ask for it.
I want to want something so bad.
That my heart falls through my ribs and my skin peels off my bones
rough and frightened and Chilled by the thought of not having it.
That I shrink until no one can see me.
Until I can slip between the bars
Until I no longer belong to their scrutiny
Until I no longer belong to their ambitions
Until I, and everything I am that is real, belong only to myself
I want to become something free
To be greater than my fears and smaller than my dreams
So that I am insatiable
And devour anything before my eyes
And consume everything I can feel with my own two hands and in the rhythm of my sunken heart
So that when I spread my wings, I am whole
I want to become something real
greater than this house and what lies inside these four walls
And smaller than my tears.
So that I, clothed in nothing but greed, fit just right in your arms
And when you hold me I am tangible
And I am real.
Copyright © Jordanielle Edwards | Year Posted 2024
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