13
You see, you see I’m captured within my pain I’m 13
13 only 13
13 years old when my soul died
13, eight months later when my spirit died
13, 13 is all I’ve cried
Within a year I watched myself die twice
First cancer killed my aunt later a disease took my mother’s life,
13 years yet I haven’t grieved
Suppressed my feeling for 13 years so it wouldn’t bother me
Is it true you can die three times yet you live?
19 years old my grandmother died the last I had to give
Holes created in my heart as if I was shot by a bullet
Life threw me a curve ball unavoidable hit by it,
Beat on constantly…
Like African drums not physically
Living in an emotional slum….
Using love to ease the aches
Desperately seeking a soul mate
Loving liars, cheaters, and thieves
Not caring wanting that of someone loving me,
Causing friction, tension and despair
Pushing life away for I can no longer bare
13 years of pain and suffering
No one to blame as I did it to me
How can I let go without feeling alone?
It’s so hard so I continue to hold on
Years of allowing my past to control me,
I only had my past to comfort and depend
Losing my family so early in life is hard to make amend
Lovers and friends come and go
Those who stuck around why they did I don’t know,
Days I’ve spent alone crying in silence
Seeing, feeling, living not understanding it
13 years of suppression now I’ll try to let go
Before my emotional bondage cause me to lose the one I love so,
Isolated from my mate, daily surroundings
Standing in a room full of people only seeing me
13 years I’ve prayed the prayer to open and release
So I can step into anew, pain will decease
Buying into another to hold my hand
Independent all these years lost in where I stand
Using another to ease what is in me backfiring
One application after another constantly hiring,
Father, I need new management
So I can celebrate the life of, death kept me bent
13, 13 years something about 13
If this is the only way to move on then I’ll have to grieve
13, 13 years living in bondage and misery
13 years and 13 years old dying inside me
Tell me what is it about 13
After 13 years I now need my peace
13 years sweat hid my tears
Living without you lost in the years
Seeds I no longer sow
For my flowers ceased to grow
Dying in the end like you
Enough pain I’ve had to endure
Choking in smoke but not none of a cigarette
13 years of disappointments and regrets
From living without you
Until my last days the statement remains true.
13.
Copyright © Monya Williams | Year Posted 2013
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