13

You see, you see I’m captured within my pain I’m 13 13 only 13 13 years old when my soul died 13, eight months later when my spirit died 13, 13 is all I’ve cried Within a year I watched myself die twice First cancer killed my aunt later a disease took my mother’s life, 13 years yet I haven’t grieved Suppressed my feeling for 13 years so it wouldn’t bother me Is it true you can die three times yet you live? 19 years old my grandmother died the last I had to give Holes created in my heart as if I was shot by a bullet Life threw me a curve ball unavoidable hit by it, Beat on constantly… Like African drums not physically Living in an emotional slum…. Using love to ease the aches Desperately seeking a soul mate Loving liars, cheaters, and thieves Not caring wanting that of someone loving me, Causing friction, tension and despair Pushing life away for I can no longer bare 13 years of pain and suffering No one to blame as I did it to me How can I let go without feeling alone? It’s so hard so I continue to hold on Years of allowing my past to control me, I only had my past to comfort and depend Losing my family so early in life is hard to make amend Lovers and friends come and go Those who stuck around why they did I don’t know, Days I’ve spent alone crying in silence Seeing, feeling, living not understanding it 13 years of suppression now I’ll try to let go Before my emotional bondage cause me to lose the one I love so, Isolated from my mate, daily surroundings Standing in a room full of people only seeing me 13 years I’ve prayed the prayer to open and release So I can step into anew, pain will decease Buying into another to hold my hand Independent all these years lost in where I stand Using another to ease what is in me backfiring One application after another constantly hiring, Father, I need new management So I can celebrate the life of, death kept me bent 13, 13 years something about 13 If this is the only way to move on then I’ll have to grieve 13, 13 years living in bondage and misery 13 years and 13 years old dying inside me Tell me what is it about 13 After 13 years I now need my peace 13 years sweat hid my tears Living without you lost in the years Seeds I no longer sow For my flowers ceased to grow Dying in the end like you Enough pain I’ve had to endure Choking in smoke but not none of a cigarette 13 years of disappointments and regrets From living without you Until my last days the statement remains true. 13.