Why?
Why?
No one can explain
Why there is so much pain
Why will it not work
When will it ever come
Needle after needle
Month after month
It’s all the same
Just more pain
Feelings are indescribable
Loss, rage, sad, despicable
That’s how my body feels
Rejected by the most basic deals
Waited for the perfect moment
To start this life
I was so ready and it was right
Been three years how many more will there be?
Is it always going to be the same for me?
Uncertainty, anxiety are always at my side
Emptiness, fear sit in my mind
Spinning out of control
Can’t plan for any goals
Why does this have to be me?
I’ve always done good deeds
For others they don’t even try
No resistance in their life
Waiting forever for this to begin
Why can’t I get ahead?
Will I always feel this dead?
Now I don’t even think of your name
Or picture future days
It seems impossible
to reach the attainable
for everyone it’s so easy
for me there is no such fantasy
I’m held hostage in my own life
Free to go anywhere but nowhere
I keep trying but it’s all the same
The ending will never change
Now all others are taboo
I cringe at the sound of coos
I don’t want to hear anymore
About all your days and chores
I would give anything to be
As tired and miserable as you seem
To live a different path
Then the one that’s been given me
It’s not fair
Why does this have to be me?
I got the career, the skills, the smarts
I’ve sacrificed my sanity
Health and body for some dead dream
When will this ever end?
Don’t complain to me
When you have 2 and three
So you hit a delay?
I can barely get past yesterday
I have to pretend to be happy
And for you I want to try
But inside I am reminded constantly
That this isn’t happening
I don’t know what to do
I can’t try anymore
I will lose the rest of me
How do I become free?
Why can’t I just be me?
Copyright © Rachel Nagourney | Year Posted 2024
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