Why?

Why? No one can explain Why there is so much pain Why will it not work When will it ever come Needle after needle Month after month It’s all the same Just more pain Feelings are indescribable Loss, rage, sad, despicable That’s how my body feels Rejected by the most basic deals Waited for the perfect moment To start this life I was so ready and it was right Been three years how many more will there be? Is it always going to be the same for me? Uncertainty, anxiety are always at my side Emptiness, fear sit in my mind Spinning out of control Can’t plan for any goals Why does this have to be me? I’ve always done good deeds For others they don’t even try No resistance in their life Waiting forever for this to begin Why can’t I get ahead? Will I always feel this dead? Now I don’t even think of your name Or picture future days It seems impossible to reach the attainable for everyone it’s so easy for me there is no such fantasy I’m held hostage in my own life Free to go anywhere but nowhere I keep trying but it’s all the same The ending will never change Now all others are taboo I cringe at the sound of coos I don’t want to hear anymore About all your days and chores I would give anything to be As tired and miserable as you seem To live a different path Then the one that’s been given me It’s not fair Why does this have to be me? I got the career, the skills, the smarts I’ve sacrificed my sanity Health and body for some dead dream When will this ever end? Don’t complain to me When you have 2 and three So you hit a delay? I can barely get past yesterday I have to pretend to be happy And for you I want to try But inside I am reminded constantly That this isn’t happening I don’t know what to do I can’t try anymore I will lose the rest of me How do I become free? Why can’t I just be me?