Pretending
I began faking a smile at 10
Although I never cried in front of others, I stopped showing all feelings
By age 12 my friend began self harm
Thinking about it was as far as I ever got
To be honest the only reason I never got beyond the thought was my brother
By age 14 I moved away from everyone I loved yet continued to "be okay"
It was becoming more and more difficult to contain the breakdowns when there was no longer things to take away
What used to help me is no longer of interest because I was told that it made me worse.
I catered to everyone around me and didn't want to try anymore
When I met him I expected him to leave and when he didn't I got attached
Trusting people and talking about my home was something I stopped by age 13
Everything was improving and then it came crashing down.
At age 15 I started starving myself because it made me thinner
Now I'm halfway to 16 and have decided that I am done pretending
If everyone that made me this way won't apologize then neither will I
Being able to trick everyone else was a skill but perhaps, I also fell victim to the mask.
Copyright © Caitlyn Mclean | Year Posted 2023
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