Pretending

I began faking a smile at 10 Although I never cried in front of others, I stopped showing all feelings By age 12 my friend began self harm Thinking about it was as far as I ever got To be honest the only reason I never got beyond the thought was my brother By age 14 I moved away from everyone I loved yet continued to "be okay" It was becoming more and more difficult to contain the breakdowns when there was no longer things to take away What used to help me is no longer of interest because I was told that it made me worse. I catered to everyone around me and didn't want to try anymore When I met him I expected him to leave and when he didn't I got attached Trusting people and talking about my home was something I stopped by age 13 Everything was improving and then it came crashing down. At age 15 I started starving myself because it made me thinner Now I'm halfway to 16 and have decided that I am done pretending If everyone that made me this way won't apologize then neither will I Being able to trick everyone else was a skill but perhaps, I also fell victim to the mask.