Deathbed Confessions
I sit here and I ponder will I be one of yours? A deathbed confession that you have to relieve yourself of before exiting this world
A regret, a mistake, a lonely night without her there, a gentle touch to ease your pain but running like hell once you got scared
Fearing deep within that one day this secret that you have kept so close to your vest throughout most of your life, and everyday questioning would you be found out you knew what you did wasn’t right
If you go first and she is sitting there by your side squeezing your hand and not wanting to let you go, will the words pass your labored lips about a love that to her you had never told?
A long time ago when you had barely reached the age of thirty-one, a girl so sincere and sweet came into your world and to hear you tell it then you were spun
Months on end of calls to this girl every day, are you going to tell her about our conversations or just let her imagine it her own way
Are you going to tell her that you told me you loved me so much and that you wanted to be with me? Are you going to tell her you cried when you left and chose her over me?
Are you going to tell her that you held me in your arms more than just one time, or are you going to take your secrets to the grave and let them forever eat you up from inside?
Will you not want to cause her pain the way that you never have wanted to do? Why is she exempt from hurting, it was nothing to hurt me for you
I’m sure that she would have many questions and you wouldn’t be able to answer all of them with your last breath, and it wouldn’t be fair to her to make her live in misery questioning what you last said
But was it fair to me for you to love me and promise me what she had? Was it fair that I had to live the rest of my life without you forever sad?
Would you tell her my name the one that once meant everything to you, or would you just state that I wasn’t important the way you made me feel back then, so used?
Would you try to mask your emotions and hide the guilt you have carried around for so long, all of the shame, or would you show her the real you? The one that has lied to her again and again
Would you kiss her lips just one last time before you depart from this world, and would you for just a second recall my face in remembrance of that sweet, sincere girl?
Would you only tell her just to absolve yourself of your sin, would her pain be worth the release you would feel of coming clean then?
Or would you hold onto that secret, that guilt, that shame, and take it with you clutched in your dead hands, and move into the next life with it hanging over you condemning you where you stand
Will you beg for her forgiveness for what with me you did? Will it help to clear your conscience in the way telling me did back then?
Go ahead let those sacred words pass your dying lips, and slip into your eternal slumber with the harsh truth that we loved once and that you and I did exist
So again, I ask, and I wonder will I be one of yours or will I never cross your mind? I hope that when that time comes that I’m already gone, that I have already confessed to mine.
Copyright © Amanda Kinzer | Year Posted 2024
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