So What
Yes, I am fat.
Only a few get the cue
being overweight is not easy;
unlike you.
You wouldn't know what heavy feels like,
but I do.
For no fault of mine I have to suffer the mockery,
surely you'd stop it;
if you only knew,
why I avoid the bakery.
The mental torture more than the physical hindrance caused.
All my life I've only strived to be more presentable;
that's the societal clause.
I miss my childhood self;
who could play and run and climb with an athlete's stance.
Then arrived puberty and it all changed;
not for good I would say.
Couldn't run anymore without stopping to catch a breath; even once.
Lost every ounce of confidence I ever had.
Had to gather all words of encouragement to shower upon myself;
that I wouldnt break.
The society wasn't as harsh;
realized it was my own insecurities getting the better of me;
that was the take.
Decided to get back in shape;
I had so much stress;
decided to eat lesser;
ended up eating almost nothing,
I already ate so less.
My friends always complained that I didn't eat enough;
while I wondered why I couldn't get anything down my throat.
Mother said it's all about the mind,
"You need to think better about yourself",
eating balanced wouldn't make you puff.
The elder sister trying her best to explain how I needed to celebrate life.
Took me ages to get the notion off my head;
that eating with your friends wouldn't make them think you're fatter.
Gained some confidence to eat straight from the platter.
Tried gymming, running, swimming for years with planned diet.
Nothing worked;
so I just sat disappointed in the corner;
quiet.
Even visited the doctor to take weight reducing tablets,
but once you stop taking them it's back to square one.
Realized I've got pcod;
no amount of exercise would solve the weight issue unless I cured myself of it first.
Felt a bit better knowing it wasn't me all this time who wasn't doing it right.
There was a different battle my body had to first fight.
Tried a different form of medicine;
it started working.
Need to continue for a while before I get fitter.
The, go back on my journey to get better.
Until then,
Yes, I am fat,
SO WHAT?
Copyright © Haifa Shaikh | Year Posted 2020
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