Late Night Thoughts
My mind runs like a wolf
I try to slow it down,
pace myself.
But it's set on winning the race,
the race no-one started.
The race no-one else is running,
and yet my mind still demands a challenge
Creating competition for the most simple things
'You have to get over the road before the car passes otherwise your whole family will die.'
Or,
'You need to run up these stairs so the monster of the hallway doesn't grab your feet and pull you back down.'
I find it so hard doing the most easy tasks because my own mind fights me at every turn.
'No, you can't talk to that person because what if you mess up your words and they laugh at you?
It's not being able to sit down in a public place after being stood up for so long because you'll look weird and, why didn't you sit down in the first place?
It's not being able to sit down because when you got there,there was a person in one of the seats and you can't sit next to a person, what happens if they try to start a conversation?
You can't talk to them.
It's not being able to go anywhere by myself, because people might judge how i walk, or how i talk.
It's going to self checkout everywhere I can, because I don't want to feel judged for what i'm buying
At school, i can't ask a teacher for help. In fear they will think less of me and that i'm stupid.
I can't go to another classroom and ask for something, without feeling sick, dizzy and like I don't even need it that much, do I really need to ask?
Do i need to knock?
Knocking on a door.
Seems simple,right?
An easy, simple task.
Right?
Wrong.
I can't knock on the door.
It makes me feel sick,
butterflies in my stomach.
My head starts to spin,
feeling lightheaded.
My mind is running a race.
And once it starts, there's no stopping it.
Copyright © Alex Evans | Year Posted 2019
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