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Skyleigh Hamilton Poem
having an eating disorder means wanting everyone to know and no one to ask.
it means accidentally leaving your lunch at home and proudly telling friends no thanks when they offer to share .
it means crossing your arms over your stomach and sucking in all day at school,
it means pacing back and forth from the fridge to the cabinets thinking what is safe to eat and what isn't.
the voice tells you you are worthless that this is you, this monster who cannot stop eating
you eat anything you can find and quickly run out of optionsit means sitting on the floor crying while still holding a package of graham crackers, shoveling them into your mouth in handfuls
they are spilling out of your mouth and stabbing the insides of your cheeks, it is hard to chew
it might even mean spitting some into the trash
chew and spit that’s an idea
chew and spit chew and spit
the voice wants you to eat again
it means being full or feeling empty
it means looking in the mirror at the end of the night and crying
it means pinching and sucking and punching and pulling and cutting
it means crying into your pillow
it means feeling guilt and shame it means crying at the gym because someone SPOKE to you
someone noticed you weren’t doing everything perfect
it means losing it completely and telling a stranger you just want to be perfect and you don’t know where to start anymore
it means looking in the mirror and picking yourself apart
it means you are weak again
it means “recovery is not a straight line”
it means you’re afraid of getting stuck in a setback
it means time is running out.
Copyright © Skyleigh Hamilton | Year Posted 2017
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Skyleigh Hamilton Poem
My lungs burned as I tried to run from whatever was chasing me. I didn’t ask for any of this pain. I felt like my air way was bring crushed in my throat. I didn’t understand why this being was trying to kill me. The crushing anxiety surged through my veins, hands shaking harder as I looked over my shoulder. My heart sized in my chest, hot tears running faster done my face.
Is this what dying feels like? Is this what having your soul being pulled from your body felt like? I couldn’t wrap my head around why this was happening. This creature was coming after me just because I died. I’m already dead! Does this thing have to make it worse for me?!
I tried to scream but no sound came out of my mouth. I could feel the feels running down my throat and onto my bloody shirt. Death came at me, sickening long fingers trying to grab at me.
I want my mother. All I want right now was my mother to make everything better like she always does.
“Nothing can save you now..” the horrible voice hissed inside of my head.
I cried out, feeling my legs being pulled out from under me as I tripped over nothing. My head slammed into the dirt, back arching up to start crawling away from whatever was going to pull my soul away from me. I was already stabbed in the ribs today; do I really deserve all of this extra pain? Do I really?!
It isn’t fair. None of this is fair. I’m only 13. I’m a good girl. I don’t cause any trouble to anyone! I coughed, feeling the blood bubble up and onto my face. I could smell rotting flesh and the horrible feeling of cold wash over me. I sobbed, gripping the ground and watching the stars above my head.
“I’m sorry..”
The voice cackled, chilling and cold hands touching my throat before I saw white flash behind my eyes that had closed without me noticing.
I blinked as I opened my eyes, seeing little people with wings running around me. I was okay.. I wasn’t going to Hell. I was going to be okay..
Copyright © Skyleigh Hamilton | Year Posted 2017
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Skyleigh Hamilton Poem
I can tell you I don't have hope.
I mean I will tell you. But I do, I always will. Hope.
It's like seeing something you want and making sure it happens. Or going threw something so bad but knowing no matter what happens you'll be okay.
It's thinking 1 more day that's it everyday when you wake up and not saying okay I'm done at the end.
Hopes always there for everyone some people don't realize it's hope but trust me it is.
Think when was the last time you thought im gonna do this and it's gonna be great.
Well, that's hope honey. It's there no matter what. It's hard to ignore for some.
People like to embrace it and tell others to have it. Not realizing everyone already does.
Just not all the time.
People go through thing's that make them think hope is nothing and useless because it doesn't work, without realizing they're hoping for it not to work.
Hope isn't always focused on the good be prepared to hope for the worset and mostly the worse unless you really try.
Copyright © Skyleigh Hamilton | Year Posted 2017
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