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Elena Welsh Poem
Don’t define me by what you think I am
I refuse to label myself
Exclude me from your pre-program
I don’t follow your parallel
How I express things is me being me
Sometimes I’ll be one thing, and later another
No need for the labels to quantify what you see
I’ll just do my thing and leave you to wonder
Minute to minute I may fluctuate
I am what I am based on how I feel
Under your epithets I would just stagnate
It may be confusing but my changes are real
I have decided that I’ll be a fluid
I’ll no longer let myself be diluted
I am just me, and that image is lucid
Copyright © Elena Welsh | Year Posted 2018
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Elena Welsh Poem
Yes, I D.I.D. (U)
Ok? (F)
So I don’t think the same (F)
-not a bit (P)
should I be feeling shame? (C)
should I stop thinking? (C)
should I just quit? (C)
I’m not sure why it’s a problem (M)
You can try to break my mind (F)
restructure, reshape (M)
unspool and rewind (M)
spread the cracks, make them gape (W)
but it won’t make me any better (F)
Some things I may say – you can’t comprehend (M)
I know they can’t be real (F)
but please, just pretend (P)
for my sake (W)
It will be difficult (F)
and seem impossible (M)
but I’m not all gone yet (P)
I still maintain a slight grip on reality (Ma)
while my imagination remains indocible (C)
Pray for me, I am ill (Ma)
I have a worsening case of “instability” (M)
I’m split (W)
hallucinations are plenty, emotions are scattered (F)
pray for me before I become nil (Ma)
Unknown - the original person (U)
Frederick – logical, condescending, sarcastic, realist (F)
Melissa – emotional, understanding, poetic, imaginative (M)
Catherine – angry, defiant (C)
William – childish, violent, selfish (W)
Marian – religious, passive, melodramatic (Ma)
Paul – shy, undermined by the others (P)
Copyright © Elena Welsh | Year Posted 2017
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Elena Welsh Poem
Chocolate milk is
my alcohol because I
am underage. sigh
Copyright © Elena Welsh | Year Posted 2018
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Elena Welsh Poem
There is a star for every
shattered dream
every time a person breaks
a star is added to the endless canvas
of the sky
and as I stand
Breathe
and stare at those fond memories
above me-
I collapse with the weight of it all
false resolve became my downfall
for all of those
broken hearts I tried not to see
tears that never returned to the
earth – to shower knowledge upon the future
what I have learned shall
never be shared
scattered dreams on an infinite sky
beckon to me as I gaze at their glory
if I leave to join the stars
will you look for me?
when I, too, join those memories
and am
scattered across the sky
I don’t wish to hurt you
in my leaving
but staying will only cause more pain
here on the ground I
can’t fix you
but in the sky I
can be your guiding light
when I join the stars
don’t search for what’s left
of me on earth
look up for the memories I hold
the scars that will forever be mine
now as I lie in a
field of stars
I can recall the feeling of joy
and once again I
am comforted by the warm glow of the dreams around me
smile at me, would you?
for I am lost
among bittersweet memories
contradict me
when I lie to your face
feigning ignorance of myself
sitting in the field of memories
I claimed as my secret base
the haze washes over me
as I wait in
a cacophonous silence
in the glow of the stars
I hold tightly to my identity
as dreams sweep
across my consciousness
and I stand and run
-towards you,
I think-
towards nothing, I believe
now I run for eternity
hiding from the pain of love
fearing the sting of loss
and I stare at the earth
below me
to seek you out
and I find your heart
now patched up,
newly healed from
the wounds I inflicted
and I reach out to you
but I am not there
the memories are my refuge
I have been banished from my earth
my scars are forever mine
and you can’t quite recall
the stupid, reckless youth
who ran into the stars
-retreated into memories-
bearing the mutilations of reality
Copyright © Elena Welsh | Year Posted 2017
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Elena Welsh Poem
Hate me all you want
I guarantee you that you
won't beat my self hate
Copyright © Elena Welsh | Year Posted 2018
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Elena Welsh Poem
The swing - my swing
goes upupup
my mind becomes a frenzied being
flushed, chubby child's palms
reaching high, my mind goes up
I'm high
too high, too far to be calm
too fast to notice the slow,
drop from the sky
My swing arcs down
gravity can't stand to see me high
my head goes thunk
as I fall downdowndown
ground blurs, I think I'm drunk
on the ecstasy from the sky
and I sink into the ground
waiting for the pull on my chain
to the next high
please bring me up there again
Copyright © Elena Welsh | Year Posted 2017
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Elena Welsh Poem
Sometimes I follow
my negative thoughts, and think
Am I losing you?
I know I'm unsafe
I'll be a catastrophe
I just can't leave you
Lonely lonely me
I can't stand to be apart
dreading your goodbye
I know I am wrong
as I can't love you without
harmful expression
Somehow you love me
through all of my disorder
I love you for that
Copyright © Elena Welsh | Year Posted 2018
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Elena Welsh Poem
I seem to be in the mood for self-destruction
-just following the example my brain sets
as it slowly breaks itself apart-
Let me procrastinate:
on that application, on that project, on my writing
stress myself out until I explode
Let me degenerate into a smelly mess
because I can’t will myself to act clean
when my mind refuses to be clean
Let me eat till I puke
(Cause that’s what he tells me to do)
even though I’m never hungry
Let me wallow in emotions so deep
so very strong
so poignant
I drown
Let me be swallowed into myself
Maybe someday I’ll come around again
Copyright © Elena Welsh | Year Posted 2018
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Elena Welsh Poem
The mistresses - opposing forces
collide in a frenzy
of passion
one lithe, ever-changing
one a carved, set stone
The river seeps her way
into the valley's stone heart
softening her, eroding her
changing her with miraculous
beauty
her tongue caresses the crevices
of the valley
molding her with lustful resolve
the valley shudders
as smooth fingers
discover her hills
expose her nooks and crannies
in a moist display of affection
the river collects
small pieces of the valley
bringing them with her
to remember their fateful encounter
She must move on
The river flows
a smirk on her mouth
spewing words
meaningless words, loving words
The valley sighs
a beautiful depression
she has changed
and will bear
the river's passion forever
Copyright © Elena Welsh | Year Posted 2017
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Elena Welsh Poem
It's a peaceful thing:
falling into the vice of security
into the rhythm of the docile
impassive -
dull stares reflected on your own
It's an excruciating thing:
to desire to be somewhere else
yet remain
surrounded by the cattle who are content
with staying stationary -
to feel your restless nature clawing
its way out of obscurity
Get me out
You've considered
Leaving -
finally -
but can never
earn enough, hurt enough, try enough
want enough
to GET OUT
I'm begging
Turmoil often clouds your thinking
half heartedly hoping to be content/
scrambling to find the exit
Occasionally,
sometimes,
more frequently than you're comfortable with
the words wrench free
a scream, a plea
a desire so potent
so painful
Get me out
Copyright © Elena Welsh | Year Posted 2017
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