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Lisa Gruhn Poem
I’m an indecisive person
Ask anyone who knows me
I change my major every week
Grinding my teeth while I’m asleep
Cause I don’t face my anxiety
That’s what it is...
Sometimes I think I’m artsy
Is this a poem I’m writing?
Sometimes I think I’m smartsy
Go into bioengineering?
I just hate corporate America
Don’t want to sell my life away
But I know when I’m homeless
I’ll say, Dad, why didn’t I get that mba?
I don’t know why I am this way
Can’t separate dreams from reality
Don’t want to become some sad old fart
Just wanna die poor with some shitty art.
Copyright © Lisa Gruhn | Year Posted 2017
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Lisa Gruhn Poem
Oh my mother earth, how you give me strength...
As I stand in your fields, your blades of wheat gently brush my hair,
As your hills massage the aching from my bones,
As I float along your rivers, you cleanse me ‘till I am pure and bare,
As I wander alone, your canopies warm me like my home.
As you lift me up onto mountain tops, I am awed by the view.
I am most alive,
when I know not the time or place
I am in, with you.
Copyright © Lisa Gruhn | Year Posted 2017
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Lisa Gruhn Poem
You always knew just
The right things to say
I was the gatekeeper
And you
were the locksmith.
You caressed me
With sound and syllable,
You picked out words
Like a chef plucks
Spices from a cabinet,
You crafted sentences
How a composer
Pours his soul
Into a symphony.
Your mouth a paintbrush,
You painted me beautiful.
And how I hoped
That those words were
Fresh on your tongue
Like clean linens,
Like that first step
In fresh snow
Unrehearsed,
Unheard by anyone
Before me.
Oh, how I fell for it.
How I clung
To the corners of your mouth
Longing for the next
Vowel, consonant,
Word, promise.
How I so wanted
To be your exception.
You stood before me
Armored with a crowbar
That I naively
Mistook for a key.
You opened me up
When my gates
Were layered in stone,
You weathered me
Into a diamond
With the force of
Your voice
Rushing, smoothing
over my edges.
But at the end
Of the crescendo,
when your voice
grew tired
When you told me
You can no longer
speak
with just those
Right words
You turned me
into coal,
No gates, unprotected,
Falling into
The creases of your novels,
A page to be turned,
To be forgotten,
Sentenced to a place
Where words
become silence.
Though I may be
coal to you,
Coal is more
Valuable than diamond
Coal burns with warmth,
Provides life
While a diamond merely glimmers
Usless
Pretty
It may last
But coal,
It cant be reburned.
It sets ablaze once for a moment.
You only have
The time when it burns
To appreciate it's worth.
Copyright © Lisa Gruhn | Year Posted 2017
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Lisa Gruhn Poem
You stopped humming and playing the guitar
I did not listen hard enough
You stopped smiling when you looked at me
I did not see well enough
You stopped holding me as tight
I did not feel hard enough
You stopped talking to me as much
I did not ask for you enough
You started to smell of cigarettes again
I did not inhale you enough
You stopped wanting to taste me
I did not entice you enough
You started making excuses to leave
And I made them for you too
Pretending that what my senses felt
was just, simply not true.
Copyright © Lisa Gruhn | Year Posted 2017
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Lisa Gruhn Poem
“You’ll be okay”
You said as you walked away
Leaving me to wonder
If that was your hope
Or an order.
In 3 months,
You’ll be expecting an
“I’m great!”
In response to
A meaningless
“How have you been?”
Just to satisfy your
Non-existent pile of guilt
A reassurance
That you did nothing wrong
Yes, I have to be okay.
Because I get it
no one wants
To be the guy
Who broke the poor girl’s heart,
Carrying around the remains
Of her sadness
Like a heavy knapsack
On your back
And you just want to go
far away.
And no one wants
to be the girl
Who kept plunging brick
After brick
Into the bag
Just so he can feel
The weight of it all.
Yes, I have to be okay.
So that when
You are asked about me
You can say
Oh she’s fine, doing quite well
Instead of
Oh my god she’s a mess
It’s just sad-
No.
You’re right. I’m okay.
Let your conscience
be eased
By my well-being.
You don’t have
To look back
Don’t have to think
About the consequences
Of breaking a heart
Of shattering a person
I am okay
So that you
Won’t feel bad
So that you’ll be okay too
Even as I’m broken
I’m still thinking
about you
Copyright © Lisa Gruhn | Year Posted 2017
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Lisa Gruhn Poem
You will search for me in places
Places that you’ll take her
Hoping to relive our moments
And my presence imprinted in memory.
I left these traces for you
Like a trail of crumbs in the woods
So that your longing
Will one day bring you home.
But you will find that it is futile
For you cannot find what you yourself
have left behind.
You will then search for me in her.
And when you hold her at night
As you touch her with your fingertips,
She will crumble in on herself beneath you
And you will remember
how I had felt so full and whole.
Copyright © Lisa Gruhn | Year Posted 2017
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