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Best Poems Written by I Am Speedytomzalez

Below are the all-time best I Am Speedytomzalez poems as chosen by PoetrySoup members

Details | I Am Speedytomzalez Poem

Ode To a Traffic Cone

Oh noble cone, knight fluorescent.
Rooted, proud and irridescent
Soldier, friend, stalwart defender,
Stood firm betwixt chaos and fender. 
Your pedestal, foursquare foundation. Beacon bold stood at your station.

The wizard's hat sent to protect. Calm, aloof and circumspect.
A cone, a clone, in columns prudent. The holy grail of drunken student.

So we salute you pointy friend, our angel to the journey's end.
Magnificent, little band of brothers. No thought for self, only others.
So much more than shimmering plastic, you are the one true light fantastic.

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Offshore Call Centre

Hello?....
Yes...... you  can call me Thomas.....
......I tried that 
Yes, yes.... you  can call me Thomas
Ok, one more time
And again?.... 
Call me doubting Thomas
Yes, I appreciate my call is important to you
Ok... off and on again... 
No? still the same.... can you call me a taxi

Details | I Am Speedytomzalez Poem

I'Ve Never Been To the Isle of Man

All my life I’ve had this plan, to settle in the Isle of Man
I tried to swim like all good sports, but three miles out I lost my shorts

Floating, lost among the driftwood, the sad remains of shrivelled manhood, I
Knew at once what I must do, and raised my game to sea canoe.

I stowed three paddles and climbed aboard, you could say that I was over-oared. Then casting off and Isle-ward bound, it seems I’d sat the wrong way round. In desperation, rows a fool, paddling straight for Liverpool?

Well, selling everything I’d got, I took the plunge and sailed by yacht.
I swabbed the deck with mop and sponge, it seems I didn’t need the plunge?
 
And thinking well there’s nothin’ doin’, plainly was a storm a brewin’ 
The wind lashed hard, the shore fled by , until at last ... the Isle of Skye??

Looks like things had gone to cock, just after leaving Albert Dock. 
Alas, a secret flaw I’ve harboured, I cannot tell my port from starboard

So then much older and much wiser I ditched the sea and bought a glider.
Now here, I really must confess, I cannot tell my East from West. But hear it from the horse’s mouth, I’m terribly good at North and South.

Skyward now with full intent, I check the compass  ...   Hello Kent??
All my life I’ve had this plan, to settle in the Isle of Man

Sod that.

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Bacteria To the Fuscia

A cosmonaut called Anatoli was diagnosed with acute E.coli
When he became somewhat delirious, they thought it was Bacillus cereus
When plated out under a prism, it looked instead like Botulism
Have you all gone off your rockers, it’s a strain of Staphlycoccus
And then thrown in just as a bonus, a rumour spread of Pseudomonas
No way you nincompoops cried Hans, it’s Candida albicans. 
We’re all agreed the team replied........ just after Anatoli died!

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The Ballad of Robin and Edna

Edna Clouds,  dreamer,  catch-me-if-you-can, hunted by police, together with her man.

T’was Robin Banks, that set her heart a throbbin’, a needy chap who drove the wheels,  alias reliant Robin. 

Third man was a mystery so legend has its say; the guy who packed the lead was deadly Rick O’Shea.

The fourth, at nine foot tall with face to make men quiver, a goliath of a man; called Stan Dandyliver.

Now, Edna’s gang of outlaws was always on the run and making up this fearsome five was big shot, Ivor Gunn.

Alas you reap just as you sow! as you will come to see, and Edna’s days were numbered in amateur felony.
  
Holding up a bank truck just didn’t go to plan, what should have carried bullion was in fact an ice cream van.

The shocked, bewildered occupants presumed their life was of over. Those two poor gents behind the glass, Forster Stand and Ben Dover.

Edna gave the order, face strained with lines and 
 wrinkles, but alas no bag of coins had she, just a double scoop with sprinkles.

It's the cops! cried Robin ,  the frightened little pup, arrested on the spot by constable  Hans Zupp. 

But Edna she escaped, and since, no one has seen her, it said she changed her name that day, now known as Miss Demeanor.