I'Ve Never Been To the Isle of Man

All my life I’ve had this plan, to settle in the Isle of Man I tried to swim like all good sports, but three miles out I lost my shorts Floating, lost among the driftwood, the sad remains of shrivelled manhood, I Knew at once what I must do, and raised my game to sea canoe. I stowed three paddles and climbed aboard, you could say that I was over-oared. Then casting off and Isle-ward bound, it seems I’d sat the wrong way round. In desperation, rows a fool, paddling straight for Liverpool? Well, selling everything I’d got, I took the plunge and sailed by yacht. I swabbed the deck with mop and sponge, it seems I didn’t need the plunge? And thinking well there’s nothin’ doin’, plainly was a storm a brewin’ The wind lashed hard, the shore fled by , until at last ... the Isle of Skye?? Looks like things had gone to cock, just after leaving Albert Dock. Alas, a secret flaw I’ve harboured, I cannot tell my port from starboard So then much older and much wiser I ditched the sea and bought a glider. Now here, I really must confess, I cannot tell my East from West. But hear it from the horse’s mouth, I’m terribly good at North and South. Skyward now with full intent, I check the compass ... Hello Kent?? All my life I’ve had this plan, to settle in the Isle of Man Sod that.