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Hallie Pennington Poem
Leaning over the edge
That’s what we were doing
Just leaning over the edge to hope to dip our toes in water that we prayed was not too deep to touch
But why would it matter if we could not touch?
Would we sink? Would it matter if we did?
We could sink because who were we anyway,
Just the town drunk, and his mistress of a house maid?
Could we really ever leave this town, and make a new
Life, reputation, future, goals.
Could we ever amount to more than the worth of the dirt on the roads that we were walking?
If we jumped we could sink,
But if we never jump-
How will we know what’s at the bottom?
Copyright © Hallie Pennington | Year Posted 2014
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Hallie Pennington Poem
Razors rising anxiety
Slitting skins on the forearms of a girl
Release the red
Penetrate the pain
Pour out the sorry soul inside
and watch the slut slosh down the drain of the bathroom sink-
Liquefy all the fake laughs at lunch
Drown the D’s on the report card
And etch the stupid smile across her veins- the one she shows the world every day.
Everyone thinks she’s sane
Everyone thinks she’s beautiful
But do they realize why she wears
Layers on layers
Of bracelets to cover up her wrapped wrists?
Everyone thought she was harmless
But who knew her better than herself?
Copyright © Hallie Pennington | Year Posted 2014
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Hallie Pennington Poem
Nothing has been the same since you came and
shook shook shook
my world last year with every
shake shake shake
of your hands on my neck
and cut wrists in my kitchen
with the same knife that I butter my toast with.
My world shook, shook, shook, to pieces when you said “Come on beautiful, you know I didn’t mean it”
As I wiped the fresh blood off of the creases in my face,
And it shook, shook, shook until I could feel nothing at all.
And in nothingness I found empty rooms, empty thoughts, and even empty feeling breaths-
I couldn’t breathe.
It was like I was gasping for air every second of my life
And when I finally let go and quit trying to gasp
I was still here
Dying in a body that was fully alive.
Have you ever been alive and dying at the same time?
I have,
I did.
Every day
Every minute
Every second
For each month
for four months.
Hard times like that, with tough shit like that, can make you
Shake
Shake
Shake
For no reason at all.
And here I am.
A year later.
Shake, shake, shaking
Even after it all-
Never escaping the earthquake in my own head.
Copyright © Hallie Pennington | Year Posted 2014
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Details |
Hallie Pennington Poem
Some days your memory
Hits me,
Hits me,
Hits me- just the way the shadow of your fist hit the shadow of my face.
I am suffocating in existence underneath the constant questions of
Why’d you stay with him?
Why’d you love him?
Why’d you put up with that?
Why don’t you love yourself?
And the answer is always
That it was too damn hard.
It’s hard to love yourself when you’re being told that love is a strangle of the throat or a push on the wall
Or a “you’re not good enough”
Or “it’s today or tomorrow” not, “when you’re ready”-
When am I ready?
When can I finally move on past this nightmare of nightmares from what started out a dream of fantastical fun from the land of the living?-
It was all real.
It couldn’t have been real.
None of it.
Not one hug, not one kiss,
Not one “I love you”
Not one “I don’t need you”
Not one push, not one pull of the strands of my hair
Not one “forgive me”.
None of it could be real. None of it.
Copyright © Hallie Pennington | Year Posted 2014
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